Well I did it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Well I did it!!!
7
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 3:29pm
First let me tell you some of what happened. I have known this man for years. Lost contact with him, then found him again. Started an A, it was going good, then out of the blue he changed everything so i couldnt contact him. So what could i do? Christmas came and i sent him a card thru email, and he picked it up. Sent another one telling him how much i missed him. About three weeks later he writes me telling me hes sorry for not writing me back, like nothing ever happened. This is a guy i have luved forever, since school. Finally talked to him on the phone and after alot of trying got him to tell me what happened. He said i scared him, becuz of my feelings for him, and he felt bad for hurting my feelings!!!! We met the next day and i told him i was actually so p.o.'d i was thinking of all the things i could do to get back at him, but thats not really how i am. It was if nothing ever happened with us. He said he really missed me. I have such strong feelings for him, that i dont know what to do. When we were together,one thing led to another, but we had to go before we had time to go all the way. do i want to start this again and risk it? need some serious help, we're planning on getting together again and finish what we started! When i am with him nothing else matters! I just dont know what to do. I hope someone can help me. Thanx for listenin'.
Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
In reply to: hot4uni
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 9:44am
Don't do that to yourself. Don't even think of going there again.

I am a MW who was seeing a MM for about 3 months when he took something i said the wrong way & decided he wouldn't even talk to me about it. Things had been going great & he fed me all the BS about who lucky he was to have met me, how he felt like he'd met his soul mate & how he didn't see himself getting bored with me anytime soon. Things went a bit funny after my H found out but i managed to convince H that we were just friends so MM & I decided to keep seeing each other. Somewhere in all of this something I said was taken the wrong way & he wouldn't even talk to me about it. Eventually after about 3 mths of me msging him he finally replied back & after about another mth of promising to contact me soon so we could talk about it he rang me. I was getting to the point of thinking that it was probably best that we didn't see each other again when he called but i couldn't talk the 1st time he rang as H was with me. H told me it was fine for me to talk to him if we really were just friends. I got a few msgs from MM after that saying he wanted to talk & he also informed me that he & his W were selling up & moving away sometime in the next cpl of months. I decided to talk to him again as i wanted the chance to understand what went wrong. When we met again he apologised for ignoring me saying something about getting scared i was getting serious but we never really talked properly about any of this & things just seemed to fall back into the A & we started seeing each other again. The first time things never went all the way... just kissing & stuff but we never had sex. When we started seeing each other again i was still wary of crossing the line all the way so took things carefully. I even asked him at one point if i was setting myself up to be hurt again. My mistake was to not ask this to his face to get a proper idea. We continued to see each other approx once a week for period of 3mths when he informed me that the house had sold quicker than they expected & they had to be gone within 3 weeks. My first reaction was to call it quits straight away & not see him again cause i was worried that once he left i wouldn't hear from him. But instead i told him i wanted to see him as much as possible before he left & that i wanted us to make love for the first time. We only managed to see each other twice for about an hour each time. The last time being 4 days before he moved away & we were going to spend his last day together as his W was leaving a day ahead of him. This didn't happen as things changed & he wasn't alone. So the last time i saw him (4 days before he left) we made love. Or i should say HE had sex with me. It wasn't any good at all as it was almost like as soon as he had finished he couldn't get away quick enough. Our goodbyes usually took quite some time but this time only took about 5 mins. I didn't think too much of it as i didn't have much time anyway & he said he'd be in touch. I heard nothing until the morning we were supposed to spend the day together & that was only in reply to a msg from me asking what was happening & all he said was that he was sorry he wasn't alone. Then i waited expecting to get a phone call saying goodbye & sorry things hadn't worked out for our day together but nothing came. We had even talked about seeing each other after he moved as they were temporarily staying a bit closer to where they were eventually moving to but i've heard nothing from him since he left. I've sent several msgs but have rec'd nothing back & i've tried to send email but his email account no longer works.

So my point is this..... he obviously saw an opportunity to have a bit of fun before he left after which point he wouldn't have to worry about me again. If your guy can just disappear without talking to you once he'll most likely do it again. If he's come back like nothing ever happened just be extra careful cause he'll just do it again. The ultimate decision is yours but i say be very very careful with your feelings & emotions. I am M & was never looking for anything serious with this guy but you can't help but let emotions get involved.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Kas

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: hot4uni
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 6:50pm
Somehow this all sounds very familiar. I'm right there with you. Before you get back on the rollercoaster I would suggest that you figure out for yourself what you want (expect) from this relationship. After you do that then you can sit down with your man and see if you have the same goals in mind. I know it's hard because I'm going through the same thing more or less right now...

My OM and I have known each other for about three and a half years. We became friends immedately. Spending time with him was no big deal. He was like an older brother and I was not attracted to him at all. After a while my feelings changed. I knew I wanted to spend more time with him. He used to make comments on my appearance and flirt with me. I just started returning the attention. After about six months of this we met somewhere for the first time. We have been seeing each other off and on for over a year, though we have never had sex. We have each "ended" the relationship about three times. We can't stay away from each other. He decided around Thanksgiving that we could not see each other romantically anymore. We had a blow up before Christmas over something I said that scared him. (I told him how much I cared for him) He has made it clear to me that he will never leave his wife while his kids are still living at home. We have been getting along well for the past several weeks. Last week he wanted to meet me somewhere. As much as I wanted to go with him, I just started talking about my feelings. I have been reluctant to talk about this before because I was afraid it would kill the moment. We rarely get alone time together. We ended up having a really good talk and decided we should agree to some boundaries before we continue.

Protect yourself and your feelings first. If your goals / expectations are opposite then you should probably not continue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
In reply to: hot4uni
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 11:48pm
As a man, my advice to you is don't see him again. "I didn't respond to you or talk to you or answer your email/phone calls because I'm scared about how I feel about you" is just his way of saying "I was to busy to respond or just didn't want to respond or thought you might go away or just wasn't horny." If you just want sex, see him again, if you want anything more, don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: hot4uni
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:25am
It's nice to have a point of view from a man. I kinda get the feeling thats why he finally got back in touch with me. You know the W stopped the sex thing again, so he figured he could call me, and like an idiot i went. Yes, I do want more than sex, my feelings for him are much stronger than his for me. (or so I'm assuming). Thank you for your advice, I just might take it. It will be very hard to do though. To have him in my life again, is wonderful but I dont think i can take the heartbreak again. Thanx again!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: hot4uni
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 11:50am
Hi there, unfortunately I can relate to your story. My MM just dropped me like a hotcake, no goodbye, nothing. One day he's saying see you next week, next week, nothing at all. That was a while ago. Then after several weeks, emails me again.

He had some excuses about why he didn't talk/answer me during that NC time. But in my heart I thought I was just very low on his priorities, and he only wants me for sex anyways. How can you simply ignore someone for so long like that? And I think after several weeks of no sex at home, he figured it was time to give me a call again.

If he does that again, I will not get back together again. It hurt too much the last time.

xxxx
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: hot4uni
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:46pm
Califguy, I'm not a man but I agree with you whole-heartedly! This guy is not respecting her or her feelings at all. OK, just my 2 cents thrown in there:) NMR
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: hot4uni
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 12:47pm
Hot, follow you gut! You know what it's telling you! Good luck!NMR