Well, I got what I wanted....
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| Sun, 09-28-2003 - 2:49pm |
I've just finished boxing up a couple boxes of my clothes. I'll be slowly taking my stuff out of this house as I see what my room at mom's can handle. I don't want to move too much stuff, because hopefully I'll be in an apartment soon, so why move twice, right??
And I am such a bundle of contradicting emotions!!!!! I'm excited at the prospect of this first step of my journey to reclaiming myself. But it has come at such a heavy price...my kids are having a difficult time coping with it. The girls (11 and 14) are mad at me, all the while crying and hugging on me so much I can barely make any move on my own. My older son (8) is very sad. My younger son (5) goes blythly along, then suddenly frowns, comes hugs me, and says he'll miss me. So, I'm very sad for them and the hurt and the pain that they are experiencing and that I have such a huge part in causing. I'm mad at H for his part in us going bad. We used to have such a great marriage, or so I thought. I look back now, though, and realized I was heavily manipulated. Why/how did it change from the wonderful, idyllic relationship we had those first years? Why couldn't we carry that on to now?? Yet, I really *don't* want to stay married to him. I'm so excited at getting away from him, I can barely wait for tonight!!! But then, I think about the kids and get really sad, again. I will miss them terribly and hate that they're hurting like this.
But, bottom line, I've done what I wasn't sure I was strong enough to do and that was make a stand for me and my happiness!!! That's an intoxicating, heady kind of feeling!!! I'll see OM on Wednesday and we're going to celebrate this if it's the last thing I do!!!
Lucky

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Thanks again, so much, for helping me out, here.
Lucky
Lucky
Lucky
Not everyone has to agree with your actions in order to wish you the best and try to be supportive. Sometimes being supportive is giving someone all points of view, to let them take what they want/need from it... there have been many times in my own life when I have benefitted from that, even if it was not what I wanted to hear. Even if I thought they were wrong, and I was right. But clearly, since you only thanked the people who completely agreed with you, you didn't want to hear from anyone else.
I think that everyone here had your children's best interests at heart when they thought about your post, despite differences in their interpretation of your 'action plan'. That's pretty powerful support -- and the most important kind -- if you ask me. Of course you are the one who will make the decision about your own life, and that's as it should be.
As the title of your post said, You got what you wanted, and I am glad that is true for you. And, as I said the first time, I do wish the best for you and your kids.
Laugh![Smiles]()
Lucky
OK now I have to put in my 2 cents about some of the posts...
My parents separated on my 12th birthday and were divorced six months later. The first time they separated I was 3 or 4 years old. Dad was gone a couple of weeks, it was hard because NO ONE discussed emotions in my family, so there was a huge unknown as to what was going on. My sister and I had no idea what had happened to him. The next time they separated was when I was 10, this time he was gone a month. Again, nothing was discussed. I remember from as early as 3 my mom would drag us out of bed to go looking for my Dad (going into bars, strip clubs, etc.)(we never found him in these places by the way). Sometimes we would not get home until the sun was coming up and 9 times out of 10 Dad was at home. Then the huge yelling matches and fights would ensue for the next couple of weeks and then silence for a couple more weeks. I remember emotional rollercoaster of the house - but remember we don't discuss any emotions in this house.
The divorce was a relief - they should have done it sooner then they did. My mom would make a point of letting my sister and I know that she stayed as long as she did for us. It was a lie. She stayed for herself. She stayed because she was afraid to be on her own with two kids, she stayed because she did not want to have to go out and work, she stayed because of the financial security. He stayed because he felt that there should be two parents in the house (even though he was gone most of the time anyway), he stayed because what would people think about us if the was a "divorce", he stayed because he had someone at home cooking, cleaning and raising his kids.
What did I learn - you can't be an effective parent, employee, partner, sibling, child if you are miserable. You don't have to be abused to leave a marriage.
Lucky is leaving a marriage. Her children may be in another household at this time - but she is not walking out on her responsibilies as a parent. There are many parents who live in the same house with their kids and do not participate in the kids lives. Of those who want out of their marriage but use the excuse that they are staying for the kids are not being honest with themselves. Now I know that there are some people on this board that are happy in their marriage and having an A, I am referring to those who can't stand their spouse or their M, but stay for the kid's sake.
Off of my soap box.
saatty
as i've said before, major life-altering change mostly happens when the person reaches his/her limits. obviously, you've reached your limit in the M and it's time to move on.
best of luck for a happy future to you and your children!
gurl
*hugs*
Liberal
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