Well there is this guy at work......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Well there is this guy at work......
18
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 3:35pm

So it is no secret to anyone that DH and I are having marital problems. I feel neglected, unloved, used, abused. I feel like maid who also performs bedroom duties. Yes I have talked to DH about how I feel, it usually gets better for a few days and then back to same old, same old.


So there is this guy at work. Funny, smart, decent looking, boyish charm, actually talks to me, gives two cents about what I have to say. We talk about alot of stuff. We have even talked about intimate stuff. He is single and about 10 years older than me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 3:47pm

Brown eyed momma,


Hi.


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Dear, you don't know complicated until you have entered into an A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 5:49pm

Hi there BEM!


I'm not sure I completely agree with everything

“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be…<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-micro

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:16pm

Hi Brown-eyed -


I will chime in here and say I agree 100% with everything Trtle said - and 80% with what Flying said - I agree with Flyings intent - not totally sure of the words used - but that's OK - we all have our own ways.


In the end though - if you haven't started down the path - DON'T.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2008
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 6:43pm
What the other girls said is true. But I would also like to add this. If you really aren't happy in your marriage, you need to figure out why you're not happy and see if it can be repaired. If it can't, at least you gave it a shot, Without being involved in an A, and you can get out and be free to find someone who will make you happy. Best of luck to you! And we'll be here for you no matter what you decide. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2006
Mon, 11-10-2008 - 11:02pm

yep, me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 12:39am

Most of the women on this board started their affairs thinking that it would just be for the fun, thrill, ego-boost of it all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 2:04am

Hi and welcome to the board. I will echo and agree with the others who have posted. RUN, run fast, run now. Don't do it! Of course, you probably won't listen to us - I wouldn't have, if I found this board before I started my A. In fact, early into it I was told to run - I'm still here, I didn't listen. So know that you will get support if you choose not to take our advice, we understand how it goes.

If you aren't happy in your M you need to know why and you need to take the steps to discover that if you aren't already sure. And your admission to being a dependent person also causes concern. You need to learn why that is, maybe with counselling? Another person isn't able to make you happy or fulfill you or complete you, that must come from within yourself.

If you've never been in an A, you don't have a clue what complicated is, or how unbelievably out of control you get to feel, or the lows that come after the highs. I've been on a high for several weeks with my AP and today that's come crashing down after he's told me we can't get together as planned. There is a lot to that story that I'm not going to share here, but suffice to say that you are very unlikely to have very much experience with the pain the lows bring you - and you can't tell a soul around you because they won't understand and will very likely judge you.

Do you think that you could cope with having a secret life outside your M that you can't share? Do you think you could do this without your H ever discovering it? And if he did (and it's highly possible and quite likely) could you deal with him walking away or throwing you out over it? Just a few thoughts for you. My advice to everyone I respond to who says should I do this is - think about what it might be like six or twelve months in and what could happen. Think very carefully and then decide.

Pisces


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pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2008
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 11:45am
Then why even go there, please take the advise that the others gave, fix your marriage first, either way.
love
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 1:50pm

Thanks for all your replys that were nice and harsh....


Right now it is just a flirting thing that is going on and nothing more. I was just wondering what others experiences were.


I know that I need to work on my marriage first and foremost. DH will not go to MC. I have tried to communicate, explain how I feel. All I get is an eye roll. Let's see here is a normal night at my house...


I get home from work, start supper, pick up the house. DH picks up DS from the sitters. DS enters house says hello and I ask about his day. DH comes in might give me a kiss or a hug, then goes straight to the computer. I start on homework with DS, finish cooking supper. I say that it is time to eat. They both come to the table, not a word is said, except from DS and 10 minutes later poof DH is gone again to the computer. When I try to talk to DH he looks at the computer screen. I make sure DS gets to bed and then I watch some TV by myself and then I go to bed. DH comes to bed sometime later in the evening.


I get so tired of the non communication. I want to be in a marriage with someone. I feel alone most of the time. Yes he is at home, but he is not "there".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2008
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 2:09pm
Wow, your situation sounds just like mine.

 

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