Well....It's Over
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| Tue, 11-25-2008 - 1:02am |
I called AP today at work, and he came over so that we could talk. I just put it all on the table. He admitted that he was not as far as he hoped he'd be at this point. He rattled off a laundry list of excuses IE; His 15yr old daughter just had a baby, he has more bills to pay off......yada yada yada. He asked for a couple more months, and I told him......NOT ON YOUR LIFE! He was so shocked he looked like a had just slapped him in the face w/ a wet fish!! LMAO! He said he couldn't believe that I waited all these months, years, and I won't wait a couple more months. I told told him how hard it is being S when he is still M.
Right now I am really sad, but the worst is to come. I know him, he is very smart. He will absorb what happen today, retreat, make a plan on how to get me back, and then spring on it me in about two weeks. Just about the time I will really be lonely. So I am bracing myself for that.
I do have to say that one poster said that leaving is incredible difficult, and it may have turned out to be more difficult than he expected, and that was his exact line of reasoning. He said he just didn't realize how involved things would get, and how hard it would be get things done. While I can appreciate that, if he loves me like he says then the bulk of what needed to be done should be done, and the rest he could on his own. He might struggle a little at first, but he makes good money. He would be alright. Either way, it's not my problem anymore.
As far as falling in love again......NEVER happen. Most of you know my story, but for those that don't just a little background.
I suffered as a child through terrible physical, sexual, and emotional abuse by my father. My Mom knew, but did nothing. Having suffered another's rage at a time when I couldn't defend myself made something in me snap. Having lived through the worse violation of trust, the molestation of a daughter by her father at such a young age, and for two years, did something to me. Being told that I was worthless, and "Not worth two cents." Took it's toll on me. I think that's why I entered Law Enforcement. I wanted to protect the weak, and fight for them.
So anyway I said ALL that to say that I had a SERIOUS outer and inner shell that no one had been able to penetrate. That was until I started working w/ AP. I fought him tooth and nail. I did not like the loss of control over my own feelings that I was experiencing. I fought a good fight, but as you all know, I lost. I fell deeply in love w/ him. BUT I can tell you that I will never get close enough to anyone to let that happen again. I would much rather be alone. Maybe get a FWB type thing going. Who knows it so early, I am just going moment by moment.
Thank you guys SOOOO much for all that you had to say. It feels good to make a decision and know that my thinking isn't coming from left field, and that others in my position would do the same thing. You guys are my saving grace. Thanks again.

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"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
So sorry to hear this.
I hope you can be strong, now and in that fortnight's time, but you know we'll be here for you whatever you need.
D x
Justice,
Justice,
I've been following your story and think you have the most "solid" case here, so to speak...He claims to love you, you have child together, he has no kids with his wife, makes good money...there is no reason for him to be there if he wants to be with you. I commend you for taking a stand for yourself. It seems like a last resort, because obviously your trying to work with him and make things smooth lead to nothing. Maybe that finally will push him to make a decision.
Stay strong. If your AP is anything like mine, he'll be back soon, groveling and begging. Make sure you'll get it on your terms this time, because seriously, enough is enough. You've been waiting patiently for years. Now it seems like you've been chasing carrot on the stick.
As far as love goes...love is not a human need. It's ok to want someone in your life. But you don't NEED them to feel happy, whole person. Take care of yourself and your own happiness. Don't worry about him, he is just a man, just so much he has to offer.
(((Hugs)))
Vivacious
Good for you! Stick to your guns.... he's had enough time to get off the fence and it's now insulting for him to give you any more excuses. My BF got out of his unhappy M (2-kids grown and he have $$) in less than a year. I thinks it's just a matter of what their priorities are and where they really want to be.
You know him better and he may be smart and "make a plan on how to get you back, and then spring it on you in about two weeks" but you're smarter to realized that that's just carrots and you're not Bugs Bunny.
I believe that if we really want to see change, we can only control and start with ourselves. That change have to start with us. He has to now understand that you don't care what he does anymore, let him go and move on with your life.
I wish you well.
Warning Hijak alert hijak alert beep beeo
Heyyyy, CUBS!!!
Yes, we're doing more riding than ever now. We've joined bikers clubs and had gone to rallies everywhere. I love the new life!!! But, with all the traveling I've been doing (if not stuck in hotels while AP is at work, riding on weekends, or keeping in touch with my Bingo Buddies), my Babies have been neglected. So, I've had to hire a Nanny for my little Dogies (2 poodle mixes). They now have totally no respect for me and will jump at me when I walk through the door.
How you been my Friend! I know there must be some update about you somewhere around here..... With my crazy schedule, I just barely have time to pop-in and out around here. Good to see you're still here too.
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