We're probably not meeting
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We're probably not meeting
| Wed, 10-29-2003 - 9:10am |
I'm the one whose H is going off with a friend tonight and had mentioned it to MM and he asked if I wanted to meet for IC. I'm scared of taking it to that next step, so I came here for advice. MM and I had a long, intimate talk yesterday afternoon. We were still going back and forth on the "Do you want to meet?" conversation, but it seemed to be getting more intense. I still got the feeling he wanted me to say no so he wouldn't have to. I said, "If I said yes, you'd meet me?" He said, "Yes, I would. Would you?" I said I would, which surprised him, but then I added, "But I can't guarantee what I'd do when I got there." He asked what I meant by that and I said that I didn't think I could go completely through with IC at this point. He asked if I'd "make out." I said, "Yeah, I think I could handle that." He asked, "Touching?" I said, yeah. "Tinkering?" (What the heck does THAT mean? Still have no idea...) I laughed and said, "Sure." Then he let the matter drop and we went on to have one of the most intense discussions we've had in a while. But when I woke up this morning, I felt SERIOUS doubts. Meeting him outside of work is a huge step. What if I get caught? What if he gets so freaked out by doing something so dangerous that he doesn't speak to me for the rest of the week? Is it worth it? And on top of that, there's something just so sordid about sneaking off to a park behind H's back to make out with some other man. It feels creepy even typing it. Guess I'm not ready. I'm sure he'll back out anyway, knowing him. Anyway, I wrote this last night to describe why I wanted to meet MM so badly. I wanted to see what you guys think. Should I give it to him? Remember, we've only shared a few kisses and they were all quick and we were both filled with fear someone would walk in... We've never shared the sweet, slow gentle kisses that most lovers get to experience. We've never touched, never done so many things. So I was sitting there last night imagining what it would be like to be in a car alone with him, what I'd do first, and I ended up writing this:
Just to have five minutes alone with you. To kiss you the way I want to kiss you. To take the time to savor the taste of you, the feel of your skin beneath my fingertips. To be able to slowly brush my lips over yours, to sigh as your hands explore my body. To be able to touch you the way I've longed to touch you for so very, very long. To hear your breathing deepen, your heartbeat quicken as our kiss grows more and more passionate... THAT is all I want. Just five minutes alone with you.

I can guarantee many of us on this board can relate to having that exact emotion sweep through us...
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
my mm is supposed to come over today he can get away. I don't hold my breath, sometimes he shows up sometimes he doesn't. Yes it is hard when he is a no show but those things happen. He told me last week that he was going to stop seeing me and then turned around and made plans to see me again. I think that is the hardest thing. He gets scared of his W and then tries to back off from me. Then she pisses him off and he's back. I keep telling myself that it is just the sex, but there has to be more...maybe the attention..maybe just knowing that someone soooo much younger than me wants me..not sure.
Anyway...if you get your chance...take it...see where it goes...and see how he reacts...either it will be the beginning of something wonderful or the end of a long time of wondering. Good luck...if you need anything let me know...i do understand!@!
My MM has nothing to do w/ my job so maybe it's hard for me to relate to. But have fun. Maybe you are thinking a little too much!
jenny
Yeah, I'm overthinking things. But I've seen so many posts about how sex makes things MUCH more difficult, I'm terrified that's what's going to happen here. I already feel like my heart's being torn in half some days; if it gets worse, I don't think I can deal.