We're probably not meeting

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
We're probably not meeting
4
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 9:10am
I'm the one whose H is going off with a friend tonight and had mentioned it to MM and he asked if I wanted to meet for IC. I'm scared of taking it to that next step, so I came here for advice. MM and I had a long, intimate talk yesterday afternoon. We were still going back and forth on the "Do you want to meet?" conversation, but it seemed to be getting more intense. I still got the feeling he wanted me to say no so he wouldn't have to. I said, "If I said yes, you'd meet me?" He said, "Yes, I would. Would you?" I said I would, which surprised him, but then I added, "But I can't guarantee what I'd do when I got there." He asked what I meant by that and I said that I didn't think I could go completely through with IC at this point. He asked if I'd "make out." I said, "Yeah, I think I could handle that." He asked, "Touching?" I said, yeah. "Tinkering?" (What the heck does THAT mean? Still have no idea...) I laughed and said, "Sure." Then he let the matter drop and we went on to have one of the most intense discussions we've had in a while. But when I woke up this morning, I felt SERIOUS doubts. Meeting him outside of work is a huge step. What if I get caught? What if he gets so freaked out by doing something so dangerous that he doesn't speak to me for the rest of the week? Is it worth it? And on top of that, there's something just so sordid about sneaking off to a park behind H's back to make out with some other man. It feels creepy even typing it. Guess I'm not ready. I'm sure he'll back out anyway, knowing him. Anyway, I wrote this last night to describe why I wanted to meet MM so badly. I wanted to see what you guys think. Should I give it to him? Remember, we've only shared a few kisses and they were all quick and we were both filled with fear someone would walk in... We've never shared the sweet, slow gentle kisses that most lovers get to experience. We've never touched, never done so many things. So I was sitting there last night imagining what it would be like to be in a car alone with him, what I'd do first, and I ended up writing this:

Just to have five minutes alone with you. To kiss you the way I want to kiss you. To take the time to savor the taste of you, the feel of your skin beneath my fingertips. To be able to slowly brush my lips over yours, to sigh as your hands explore my body. To be able to touch you the way I've longed to touch you for so very, very long. To hear your breathing deepen, your heartbeat quicken as our kiss grows more and more passionate... THAT is all I want. Just five minutes alone with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 9:14am
Lilah! What a beautiful form of expression. Thanks for sharing...

I can guarantee many of us on this board can relate to having that exact emotion sweep through us...



cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 9:57am
hello again.. I know how you feel about meeting outside of work for the first time. The first time for me and my mm was incredibly stressful. Both of us looking over our shoulders to see if anyone we knew was around. Luckily we didn't get caught but we have a few people suspicious but noone expects the two perfectly happily married people.

my mm is supposed to come over today he can get away. I don't hold my breath, sometimes he shows up sometimes he doesn't. Yes it is hard when he is a no show but those things happen. He told me last week that he was going to stop seeing me and then turned around and made plans to see me again. I think that is the hardest thing. He gets scared of his W and then tries to back off from me. Then she pisses him off and he's back. I keep telling myself that it is just the sex, but there has to be more...maybe the attention..maybe just knowing that someone soooo much younger than me wants me..not sure.

Anyway...if you get your chance...take it...see where it goes...and see how he reacts...either it will be the beginning of something wonderful or the end of a long time of wondering. Good luck...if you need anything let me know...i do understand!@!

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 10:25am
Someone please explain to me how the same person who wrote that paragraph thinks she "isn't ready"!! *smile*

My MM has nothing to do w/ my job so maybe it's hard for me to relate to. But have fun. Maybe you are thinking a little too much!

jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 10-29-2003 - 10:59am
Well, here's an example. I have the paragraph all ready to give him and I sat here all morning, waiting for him to call. I sent him a joke e-mail (along with others on my buddy list) and he responded thanking me for it. Next thing I know, my phone rang. He said he hasn't called this morning because people were listening. I may be reading too much into things, but he seems different today. Distant... I'll know in a few minutes when I go see him, but his behavior today could make all the difference. I'm not sure how he'll take what I wrote; I'm sure he'll be touched. I think what I'm saying is, I'm ready to kiss him, maybe ready for some touching, but to go straight to IC is just FAR too much for me now. I've never done that in my life. My sexual relations have always been a slow build-up, where you went a little further each time. But in As, don't you generally just go straight into sex, because you don't have the luxury of lots of time alone together to work into things?

Yeah, I'm overthinking things. But I've seen so many posts about how sex makes things MUCH more difficult, I'm terrified that's what's going to happen here. I already feel like my heart's being torn in half some days; if it gets worse, I don't think I can deal.