Whaddaya Think About This???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Whaddaya Think About This???
14
Mon, 08-11-2003 - 8:15pm
MM phoned this morning to say that he didn't want me to think he was avoiding me, & wanted me to know that I'm on his mind. (He last phoned Sunday @ 2AM.) He had to sneak out to call because W is home this week...it's their stinkin' 4-year anniversary. After he said, "I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you & I wanted you to know I'm thinking about you," I SAID: "I understand. You're busy playing husband this week."

He was SO offended. He said I didn't have to be cynical. Said that it was cruel. I asked, "Why? It's true. You are somebody's husband." His reply suggested that I insinuated he isn't a real husband. I didn't mean it that way, I was just being honest. While he was trying to explain why the statement hurt, I could tell he was crying. He's been really emotional during the past several days...maybe because he's been home w/W???

Do y'all think there was anything wrong with my comment? If you're married & somebody calls you a husband/wife, what's the problem????


Edited 8/11/2003 8:17:41 PM ET by kira_gaston

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 10:24am
Why am I IN this relationship? Good question, especially since I know that love is not enough. I've mentioned before that I told him to get out of my life last week & never contact me again. I really don't want us to end on a sour note, simply because we do love one another & have known one another for the past 13 years. That's the ONLY reason I haven't yet had my number changed. However, it hasn't been a month yet since I asked him to scram, & I know it takes a little time. After a month I'll likely change my number if he hasn't been able to let go.

Even though we did last week, he wants to sit down & talk again. I agreed to Thursday...if he doesn't take his belongings this time I'll discard them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 12:07pm
I think most of our men have a hard time finding emotional balance in our EMAs...I think they are stricken with a great deal of guilt that surfaces when trigger points are hit. I think he may have misinterpreted your comment but at the same time I find it completely cynical from my angle to. The duty a husband carries comes with a sense of pride that they are successful in leading the family and you dented his pride with your comment. I would have to guess that he's trying very hard to be a good husband and father (if applicable) and at the same time please you and your comment hung a name tag on him that said "Failure"...that's the worse thing you can do to a man is to make him feel as though he isnt measuring up to his responsibilities...thats just my 2 cents and friendly interpretation of the male point of view, woman style...*wink*

Liberal

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-12-2003 - 10:40pm
Thanks for the input, ISNHM (what a name!). I still don't know why he'd take offense because I always use the word "playing" to describe doing something. I "play" Auntie, which is something I take VERY seriously. I "play" at my job. It's not meant -- never has been -- to be deragatory. He's just being sensitive. It's not my fault she's home this week for their anniversary. Shyt, I didn't marry her. LOL.

Pardon me for being direct, but if he were trying very hard to be a good husband, he wouldn't be over here getting hard. He's not pleasing me; he hasn't in a month of this 2 month A. So I guess he's failing in this EMA, too.

After his tears & explanation of why my statement bothered him, he tried to "zing" me back by asking, "How would you feel if I said you were playing mistress?" (He's told me more times than I can count that I'm NOT his mistress.) I told him it only upsets me because that's what I am...his mistress. I later told him again that I'm no longer willing to play that role...which is why we're talking on Thursday.

"Love stinks. Yeah, yeah."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-14-2003 - 2:26pm
i'm laughing over here....! cut him some slack so he can continue to choke!!

soooo funny.

gurl

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