What about AP Lying to You

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2012
What about AP Lying to You
10
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 10:06am

How does one handle AP lying about something as simple

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2012
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 10:19am
I think this is more of a personal opinion and what exactly you want from your AP. I mean for me I always wanted a happily ever after and with that being said lying would be a deal breaker for me. Honesty and communication are two major things I want including respect.

To me the nice thing about having AP is you can be your real person, this person can accept me for who I really am. When I met my H I only showed him what I wanted to show him and I acted the way he wanted me to act; however, with my my AP I can be myself and at the starting of our relationship that was the beauty of it. I could be real and so could he without the fear of that person leaving. Does that make sense? I guess what I am trying to say is at the starting of my relationship I had the security that my H was with me and if my AP did not like me for who I am than so be it. So why lie about anything especially something so silly as age. It would leave me wondering if there is anything else he is lying about
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2012
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 1:02pm
Early in our relationship, and we've been together for nearly 6 years, I found out He lied to me. It was about a reason why he couldn't see me when we had planned.

I was hurt and mad and let him know. I told him straight out that since we have to lie all the time to others, we need to be open and completely honest with each other. While at times we knew we would have to say things we knew would hurt the others feelings, we agreed to always tell each other the truth. It has worked for us.

Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2012
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 1:48pm
It does leave one wondering what AP has lied about in the past or even will in the future. My guess is to forgive and move on. It just creates to much doubt once it has occurred.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 5:43pm
I made it very clear to AP at the start that lying to me would be a deal breaker...I'd had two years of H lying about his EA with a co-worker. The truth I can handle...I may not like it but I will cope with it no matter what it is and so far he has been honest with me.
Kat
katuk
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2011
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 3:57am
My AP still hasn't told me his real age, have known him for over a decade. Found out his real age just a few months ago. He doesn't know that I know his real age (he says he is younger). He has lied about where he lives. I have found out where exactly he lives, he doesn't know that I know that too. Deal breaker for me? Not yet. I'm still crazy about him. I still can't let go of him. We just had a long talk the other day how much we love each other, blah, blah, blah.... ya....but the truth hasn't come out of his mouth. Do I think/doubt how many lies could he have told? Yes I do...can't help, but to enjoy being in this fr3aking "A"..... can't seem to have enough strength to get out of it. He is that good to me (so I think, crazy eh?)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2000
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 1:16pm

Lots of people lie about their age, it is so common it is insignificant in my book!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2012
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 2:28pm
Ap lied for 6 months of the A. The age difference is 13 years. There was a specific age range that was targeted from the get go. Not to go younger or older than a certain range. It's a personal thing not to want to engage with someone 15 years younger than your own father which your father was 26 when you were born. Now I will say AP does not act our conduct themselves as their age. AP has been beyond exceptional with the A as a whole. As far as I know all of the actions have matched the words. The only indiscretion is the lying about age. Im just at a loss as how to proceed or not to proceed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 8:10pm

I do think lying is usually a deal breaker. However, in your case, the age thing seems to be the only lie you've caught him in. Of all the lies a person can tell, the age one is one of the most tolerable. Should he have lied? No. Was there a good ligitimate reason for the lie? You say that you had a very certain age requirement from an AP. Maybe he was nervous about being too close to your cut-off, or feels self-concisous about being much older than you. So far I've never caught my AP in a lie, but I do know our age difference is a sensitive area for him. Just talk to him, tell him how you feel without being too accusatory. See what he has to say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2000
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 10:26am

Oh DUH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2012
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 11:31am
Young enough to almost get away with it. The point is letting it go on soo long. The key to a successful A situation is honesty. No matter how much it may hurt. We will be ok. It either forgive and move on our bust. This person has been soo good to me in many ways and if this is the only bump in the road then no big deal. AP does know that lying won't be tolerated now.