What About Getting Caught?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
What About Getting Caught?
4
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 8:28pm
What would you do? How can one avoid it? My H has no clue right now, but he's no dummy, and I would be out on my behind if he found out. Of course, he's strayed many times and I forgave him, fool that I am. I'm so besotted, that I don't think I'd care right now, even though I'm in an impossible situation with a married man who lives far away.

Have any of you been in this situation and been able to "get away with it"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 8:42pm
hi longlegs2 l never gotten caught with both of my affairs. lm single one my ex-mm and his family are close friends of yours .still to this day l can't believe his W doesn't know something about me and her H,we still talk on ph sometimes me and his W acts like nothing has ever happen.been 17 years me and ex-mm been able get are special affair secert. l moved away from new york that where used to live so from 1986 to 1999 we rarely talk neeed to get on with my life but feb 19 1999 my ex- mm came back to me until july 25 2001.l guess earlier for me sweetie since single one he not and lives in midwest and lived deep south.really don't his W fine out are special affair what he said about what we share together awwwwwwwwwwwwwww. makes feel so happy inside l means alot to me l was special to my ex- mm.guess being married and having affair you just have to me more careful .hugs kimmy
kimmy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 8:56pm
Hey longlegs,

I can say... I've been there... but I'm don't think I got away with it. When I first started my EMA... I guess I was very angry with DH and in being so was very careless as well. About 10 months into my affair... during a counselling session with DH... one in which I was going to suggest a healing separation... for my own reasons... he confronted me with my A.

I was rather stunned... I couldn't not deny it as the facts that he presented me with were just too many... details he knew and what not and I felt that denial would only make matters worse... so I could simply but shrug my shoulders and be done with it.

Although I agreed to stay in my marriage... and promised not to contact MM in any way whatever... I knew that I could not walk away from this man yet.

That was over 2 years ago now... and MM and I are still going strong... and so in many ways... so is my marriage. I realised that I had been putting way to much energy into my A than my marriage... and if I was to keep either one... that had to change. I no longer spent hours at night on the pc... cut down mobile phone messages... and made time to spend with DH.

I think that somehow I've made a balance... I don't think that I give DH anything to be suspicious about and I work on both my relationships in different ways.

The trick to not being caught... is being careful... and as hard as it can be at times... to live a normal and happy homelife.

That's what works for me anyway...

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:49pm
Been at this almost 3 years and so far all is ok. I agree with Sweet, being careful is key. Since MM and I work together, we have to be twice as careful! Its torture sometimes, but we manage.

Good luck

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-26-2003 - 8:46am
Personally, I dont understand how many of you socialize with your EMA partners and their SOs and spouses...that to me was the most awkward and difficult position I think I have ever been in. When we first started our EMA and hadnt even done the deed yet we all met at a bar and I was EXTEMELY uncomfortable. Everytime our eyes would meet I felt that everyone at the table had to see us trying to avoid those glances...it was just torture. I think sometimes you can get "TOO" close to keep it on the DL (down-low)...Fortunately we have only had that one occurrance and then a second time, recently, we ran into them at the dance club. Only OM and I noticed one another though - thank goodness my DH didnt notice him or it would have made for a bad night - he has no use for my OM - can you imagine if he knew I was shaggin him? UGH!

I have been in my EMA since March 2002 and I DO NOT take chances. I only see OM when it's totally justifiable for me to be out and about. We dont go to local restaurants/bars together and we meet in rustic places where we're not likely to run into people we know. I go above and beyond to be sure no suspisions are raised. Of course I would deny, deny, deny but if he started asking me questions, Im certain I would have to cool things off big time indefinately - hurting my DH is not something Im willing to do, it's just not worth that to me...

Better to be safe than sorry!

Liberal