What about the Guilt?
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| Wed, 09-24-2003 - 10:10am |
I have been married for 3 years and have been with my husband for seven. I met my husband when I was only 15; I am now 22. My husband is 28 and the man I am seeing is 21. My husband has turned his life around very dramatically; when the change was completed, I realized that I am not in love with him anymore. I am the one who wanted him to complete college and keep a job; now, I am the one moving on when he has done these things!
The guilt is eating me alive. So, last night I told my husband that I love someone else. I told him I kissed that person, too. My husband was very hurt and said that he is going to go out of his way to make sure that I fall in love with him again. The problem is that I don't feel that he can.. I fell so hard for the man I am seeing that I don't know if there is any going back. We can't go a few hours without talking to each other; I am more comfortable with him than I have ever been in my whole life. We cuddle alot; kiss alot, etc. We have decided not to have sex until I make a decision as to what I am going to do. I am so scared right now and feel so horrible, but at the same time being with this other man is so right. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it.

While I don't dispute that you feel something for this OM, but how well do you think you know him in this short period of time? Are there any kids involved? How do you know that he is not only in it for the sex? I know you said you have not had IC yet, but OM may just be "going with the flow" until he gets what he wants. Maybe not, but now is too soon to tell.
My advice is to not do anything at this point. Don't run off with this guy. You really don't know him at all. Anyone can PRETEND to be something they are not for a while. It takes a very long time to get to know someone and even a longer time to know them well enough to want to run away with them.
Give your H a chance. You must have felt something for him, or else why did you marry him?
I know I have asked a LOT of questions, but these are things you should think about before jumping the gun and leaving your H. JMHO
As far as the guilt thing, I had a hard time with it, somedays i do, but for I am only 28 as well, grew up young, and have lived my life pleasing others and doing the best that I can. Then one day I woke up and realized, its impossible to be perfect. I love my husband, and I love my MM, for various different reasons. Its not my fault that my H doesn't fullfill some of my needs, nor is it his. Perhaps I am too harsh. But if anything I have found that my EMA has helped my marriage. I am happier than I have been in a long time. SO who knows. Perhaps I am wrong.
Not trying to be preachy- but to be honest, if my husband had told me what yours did I would never have been in the emotional affair I'm in now. Really really think about what you want in life- a long term relationship with someone you know loves and respects you or a maybe...