what about reconciliation
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what about reconciliation
| Tue, 09-08-2009 - 1:50pm |
So, D day has came and went. I admit I had an affair, I'm rather open about it (I hate it, but it's a truth in my life). so, this is the part I don't get. If the shoe was on the other foot, if my stbx had an affair, he'd be out on his butt, this marriage would be over, no looking back for me. I had the affair and he begs me constantly to work it out with him. Clearly, I'm not much of a catch if I could do such a thing as an affair and not stop. I have betrayed him, the why's of it don't matter. How on earth could he want to stay with me after that? I read for a little while on the BS board, why does the betrayed want to stay with the betrayer? I know I wouldn't, so I just don't get it, and I don't feel like I can ask there, since I'm not one of them. I don't want to intrude on them, doesn't matter that I was once one of them in previous relationships. I don't belong there, but they are the only people I can ask.

Hi mom,
I think there are many and varied reasons people would want to stay with the betrayer.
Mom,
I'd like to give you another possible perspective.
thank you both for your responses. I do think for my stbx, it's a comfort thing. He had it pretty good in our marriage. He had little responsbility and lots of benefits. I know that I'm lovable, no matter what, but my stbx never bothered to show that to me. That fact that I know that is amazing, then, and comes not only from within but also from my children, who love me even when I'm not so lovable (they range from 6-21). I don't want to work out
mom,
I'm really glad you are being honest with yourself and your stbx.
i am with you, when my xso decided to cheat, i sent him packing quicker
than he could blink, i have no concept of staying with a betrayer
either
There is a section called Life After Betrayal where you can post on the Both Sides of the Affair board. This is where exactly the question you have can be asked without fear of being slaughtered. There are men on there that were the BS so they would be a great insight into what your H is feeling right now.
i hope this link works:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlhealingaft
BS