What is "affair support" to you?
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| Sun, 03-22-2009 - 10:01am |
There arose a little tiff on another thread about someone being "non-supportive" and that this is an "affair support" board.
What does "affair support" mean to you, personally?
When I came here, maybe 1 1/2 years ago, I was amazed that there was a place I could share my affair story and not be judged, ridiculed, berated, etc.
I did not, however, expect to have a cheering squad yelling "yay rah rah!!" or "you go girl!" I never minded the hard questions or the things people might say to make me think about what I was doing.
There have been times people have posted and I so wanted to post and mention the spouse's feelings or the unfairness to the kids, especially in discovery stories (some where wives or children walked in on "the act") but I've seen people get put down for even mentioning sympathy to a spouse. Aren't the spouses human beings with feelings too? Where did they sign up for all this? Aren't we supposed to think about them or at least consider them in the grand scheme of things?
If someone complains about their A/P's "controlling spouse" or "suspicious spouse" I sometimes want to say - maybe they sense something is very wrong and they're trying to use "control" to get things back the way they were! Imagine sensing your spouse slipping away, losing interest, and you have no idea why or what you're up against. On top of that, said spouse is probably telling you everything is fine and you're crazy! How would that feel? It might make you the domineering, suspicious sort of person that your A/P describes.
I think this place could become a lot more thoughtful AND helpful if people weren't jumped on for being "non supportive" when they're only trying to think things out from all angles.
I can understand not wanting that sort of input from a BS or BG, but if we're all in the same category - OW or WSs or even former OW/WS - then I see nothing wrong in exploring every aspect of our A and what it means to us, our A/Ps and both of our families.
Someone here made a thoughtful post about "support" on another thread and I'm going to look for it and post it.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.


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Probably comments like this... came from the orginal posting that sparked this discussion.
"...Realizing the selfishness of having an A and not fooling yourselves and people around you in pretending to just be friends but jump in the sack when opportunity arise. You're doing what a dignified person should. If you're AP is not in that same page with you, then it's something she has to learn and realized herself. We're happy that at least one of you has seen the light."
Of course only a "dignified" and "unselfish" person who has "seen the light" is the good and wonderful person here, and the other parties, i.e. the other AP, or OW or OM are just selfish undignified people who are sadly in the dark.
lose such a lady-although understood it is time for her to enjoy her
great life.
Maystone just email me through here and i will write you back...we talk on yahoo...conference...im email etc..its a good thing.
Or... another one from the same thread.
eternal,
I tried and it said you don't take e-mail?
That's nice that you are inviting her into your group if she doesn't feel comfortable here.
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