What is "affair support" to you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
What is "affair support" to you?
53
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 10:01am

There arose a little tiff on another thread about someone being "non-supportive" and that this is an "affair support" board.

What does "affair support" mean to you, personally?

When I came here, maybe 1 1/2 years ago, I was amazed that there was a place I could share my affair story and not be judged, ridiculed, berated, etc.

I did not, however, expect to have a cheering squad yelling "yay rah rah!!" or "you go girl!" I never minded the hard questions or the things people might say to make me think about what I was doing.

There have been times people have posted and I so wanted to post and mention the spouse's feelings or the unfairness to the kids, especially in discovery stories (some where wives or children walked in on "the act") but I've seen people get put down for even mentioning sympathy to a spouse. Aren't the spouses human beings with feelings too? Where did they sign up for all this? Aren't we supposed to think about them or at least consider them in the grand scheme of things?

If someone complains about their A/P's "controlling spouse" or "suspicious spouse" I sometimes want to say - maybe they sense something is very wrong and they're trying to use "control" to get things back the way they were! Imagine sensing your spouse slipping away, losing interest, and you have no idea why or what you're up against. On top of that, said spouse is probably telling you everything is fine and you're crazy! How would that feel? It might make you the domineering, suspicious sort of person that your A/P describes.

I think this place could become a lot more thoughtful AND helpful if people weren't jumped on for being "non supportive" when they're only trying to think things out from all angles.

I can understand not wanting that sort of input from a BS or BG, but if we're all in the same category - OW or WSs or even former OW/WS - then I see nothing wrong in exploring every aspect of our A and what it means to us, our A/Ps and both of our families.

Someone here made a thoughtful post about "support" on another thread and I'm going to look for it and post it.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 6:33pm
When i joined mas 2 years ago, it wad a better board. In other words no one thought morally they where better then another. There where a great set of people on here offering great advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 6:52pm
Hi eternal...thank you so very much! If you could tell me how to be apart of your group, I would love that...thank you again for posting!
maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 7:03pm
Why do you think posters think they are morally better? Just curious. I see most have admitted that they have made many mistakes and have been guilty of very despicable things. I think the fact that we are here means that we have been very capable of just about anything at some point in our journey.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 7:25pm

Probably comments like this... came from the orginal posting that sparked this discussion.


"...Realizing the selfishness of having an A and not fooling yourselves and people around you in pretending to just be friends but jump in the sack when opportunity arise. You're doing what a dignified person should. If you're AP is not in that same page with you, then it's something she has to learn and realized herself. We're happy that at least one of you has seen the light."


Of course only a "dignified" and "unselfish" person who has "seen the light" is the good and wonderful person here, and the other parties, i.e. the other AP, or OW or OM are just selfish undignified people who are sadly in the dark.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 7:37pm
autumn you are so correct--about a year and a half ago i found this board and it was a life saver to me....most of that group have left although we all keep in touch and support one another daily...a great group of folks..and now with dear tgrbabe 'retiring' well, its a sad day to
lose such a lady-although understood it is time for her to enjoy her
great life.
Maystone just email me through here and i will write you back...we talk on yahoo...conference...im email etc..its a good thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 7:40pm

Or... another one from the same thread.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 7:47pm

eternal,


I tried and it said you don't take e-mail?

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 7:49pm
Certain posters i have learned to ignore after 2 years. At times certain ones will still try to push those buttons. Like black berries, saying i have one, dont make mistakes, or digs on spelling. No one has it all, and some have compassion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 7:59pm

That's nice that you are inviting her into your group if she doesn't feel comfortable here.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 03-22-2009 - 8:55pm
Yeah... that is sad.
maystone