What is "affair support" to you?
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| Sun, 03-22-2009 - 10:01am |
There arose a little tiff on another thread about someone being "non-supportive" and that this is an "affair support" board.
What does "affair support" mean to you, personally?
When I came here, maybe 1 1/2 years ago, I was amazed that there was a place I could share my affair story and not be judged, ridiculed, berated, etc.
I did not, however, expect to have a cheering squad yelling "yay rah rah!!" or "you go girl!" I never minded the hard questions or the things people might say to make me think about what I was doing.
There have been times people have posted and I so wanted to post and mention the spouse's feelings or the unfairness to the kids, especially in discovery stories (some where wives or children walked in on "the act") but I've seen people get put down for even mentioning sympathy to a spouse. Aren't the spouses human beings with feelings too? Where did they sign up for all this? Aren't we supposed to think about them or at least consider them in the grand scheme of things?
If someone complains about their A/P's "controlling spouse" or "suspicious spouse" I sometimes want to say - maybe they sense something is very wrong and they're trying to use "control" to get things back the way they were! Imagine sensing your spouse slipping away, losing interest, and you have no idea why or what you're up against. On top of that, said spouse is probably telling you everything is fine and you're crazy! How would that feel? It might make you the domineering, suspicious sort of person that your A/P describes.
I think this place could become a lot more thoughtful AND helpful if people weren't jumped on for being "non supportive" when they're only trying to think things out from all angles.
I can understand not wanting that sort of input from a BS or BG, but if we're all in the same category - OW or WSs or even former OW/WS - then I see nothing wrong in exploring every aspect of our A and what it means to us, our A/Ps and both of our families.
Someone here made a thoughtful post about "support" on another thread and I'm going to look for it and post it.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.


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"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
You can clutch the past so tightly to your chest that it leaves your arms too full to embrace the present
I don't understand your first sentence, but agree with you that there are different people
Thanks for the link. Interesting reading.
I didn't realize that this subject has been "overdone" in many peoples' opinions. In my opinion, because a new crop of posters is here every few months, it's a valid subject to explore from time to time.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
"We intend for this board to be a forum for adults to safely share their experiences and get support. Any posts that violate these guidelines will be removed, and can result in immediate banning from the site."
Isn't that more reason to explore what "support" means on this type of forum? I just hate to see people bash goddess2, who I've always admired and enjoyed. To me, this place needs someone like her. Just as it needs someone like Tiger - who has been an exemplary CL and has always exuded love and caring. As it needs MAYBE someone like me - I call it like I see it, have the ability to see through someone's A fog and point out what might be really going on. I might ask hard questions. Does that make me "unsupportive"?
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
"And it's funny that you posted this Lexi - because I remember very clearly after my EA ended and I was trying to figure out why, etc., etc., it was YOU who responded to me and truly opened my eyes. And you were right. I can't thank you enough for that."
You don't know how good that makes me feel obxbell. It's nice to know that sometimes I actually help people, which is what "support" is! There are months at a time that I don't come here at all because I feel like what I have to say might not be considered "support", exactly. As it is I don't go into any of the "I'm so happy la la la" sort of threads because, as has been said, no one will "argue" with that. They're happy - their affair is "working" for them - let them be. But I try to pick out the people who are really searching for answers. I don't act like I'm SURE of my insights - we don't personally know the situation, we can only offer possibilities or suggestions.
It just seems like there should be room for all sorts of "support" here.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Lexi...I don't think the topic can be "overdone"...it's very important to take the pulse often.
>When i joined mas 2 years ago, it wad a better board. In other words no one thought morally they where better then another. There where a great set of people on here offering great advice.<
I've had an affair. And I think those who haven't ARE in fact morally better than me. At least in this area.
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