What am I doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
What am I doing?
2
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 12:04am
I am so not sure what I am doing anymore. I have tried to end my EMA for about a month. I started dating (if you can call it that) someone else. This someone else is 10 years older than me, a perfect gentleman, wants to take care of me....but, he's not my MM!!! I can't start a new relationship with someone when I am still so totally in love with my MM!! I feel guilty with both of them! I just find myself needing more than the A! My MM says he feels bad that he can't give me more right now, but he doesn't know when or if he can give me more! We have tried not to call each other or see each other, but that lasts for maybe a day! We are both miserable when we don't see each other. Now, this other relationship would be really good for me. My kids really like this other guy, and his kids really like me. But I keep going back to the fact that I love someone else. Am I supposed to just hang out and see what my MM does? Should I see both of them? Should I take the risk of losing this other guy if I continue to see my MM?

Someone help!!

Avatar for imopus
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 11:40am
i haven't responded to anyones posts in a while but your post got to me... and i just have to give you a hug and a bit of tough love advice...

first if you find yourself needing more then an A... then you need to end it... and i know that probalbly breaks your heart to think of it as over since i can see you truly care and love this man... but the situation is not going to change he's still M... i think you need to greive for the loss of the relationship and move on... it will take time like any break up... but you will come out stronger and you will have fond memories to look back on... think about it like you would your first love or any other love that had to end... you can realize that it was a wonderful time but not ment to be and move on...

second if this other guy is fun to be with it's ok to date him... just as long as he knows your not ready to get too serious as you are coming off another relationship and you are being cautious with your heart...

it's a tough decision to make... but if you can't continue on with the A the way it is... then you have to stop seeing him and try to put it behind you

hugs...

opus

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 12:04pm
I agree. You have a chance to emerge from the heartbreak of an EMA with a new relationship just starting. A new HEALTHY relationship. Hard as it may be, it'll be a lot easier to end your EMA now than to stay in the relationship, year after year, and eventually get hurt in the long run. It's understandable that you're feeling that you'd want more... A life with someone, to wake up every morning with that man you love next to you. To be able to share Christmases and birthdays and go out in public. To have someone who puts you FIRST in his life. Maybe this opportunity has been presented to you for a reason. Go over to the Betrayed Spouses Support board and see the heartbreak there. That always gives me strength. Also the Ending an Affair board, where all the women are so heartbroken. Better to break things off than to be the one who ends up being dumped.