What am I thinking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
What am I thinking?
3
Wed, 12-17-2003 - 10:53pm
I just discovered this board on Sunday...out of necessity so that I don't go insane! I hadn't planned on anything starting, happening, etc. I went to a Christmas party held by an office where I used to work (I'm still friends with a lot of people there). My husband was with me. We were having fun. Talking with old friends, etc.

A former client of mine was also there. This client and I had never really been friends or talked much, as he was the President of the company and I usually working with the Marketing Director. Anyway, I have seen him once or twice in the past two years. He was married when I knew him, but divorced last year (his wife was a real wench and decided she wasn't in love with him when his tech company didn't make the millions that she anticipated).

I've always been minimally attracted to him, but no big burning thing. Then, Saturday night, I saw his eyes following me. Somehow (like a bit of wine somehow) I decided to follow him to a back room (which it turns out was his plan and I was reading him to a tee), and as soon as we got in the room, we were involved in one of the hottest kisses I've ever had. 30 seconds later, I was back out at the party, talking with friends. He joined my discussion, but nothing obvious. Then about 20 minutes later, we're in another back room...for another brief kissing session. Then once more before my husband and I left.

I e-mailed him Monday afternoon with a very brief inside joke and he said that he had been unable to discreetly get my e-mail and cell number so he was glad that I contact him. We met for drinks and dinner Monday night and spent the night at his place (my husband was out of town).

I'm not freaking out about the start of whatever this is, but rather I'm freaked out BECAUSE I'm not freaked out.

Gotta go...H is home! More later...

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 8:36am
wow, that sounds great!! Don't look too far ahead, just enjoy the fact that something unexpected and wonderful happened. Thats all i can say. Maybe it will lead to more, or maybe you can just enjoy what it was and have happy memories.. (cause these things don't always turn out happy... you have lots to loose now and he doesn't so just enjoy) good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 10:12am
It's all new, so that's why you're not freaked out yet. It'll come in time. It came in stages for me. There were a lot of sleepless nights after the first, honeymoon stage of the A. We hadn't slept with each other yet or even kissed at that time, but the intensity was the same as if we had. Then all of a sudden he started feeling guilty and that gave me time to think, then the guilt and FEAR hit. I think most times fear is stronger for me than anything else. I'm so scared of having my heart broken by him, of not being able to see him anymore, of my H or his W finding out. (Interesting to note the order I listed all that in, huh?! Isn't being found out supposed to be the WORST thing that can happen?) But you know what? You can try and try to protect yourself against getting your heart broken but the truth is, if it's going to happen it's going to happen. You may as well enjoy the good times while they last and try not to think too much about what lies ahead. If you CAN. I'm an overthinker, as I've been told both by people on this board and by MM. So many times things would have gone so much better had I just not analyzed every single little freakin' thing. I'm working on that. It's going to be my New Year's Resolution, I think! Just decide for yourself what you want from this and take it. And hang onto your heart. It's going to be a bumpy ride!!! (That's my favorite quote!)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Thu, 12-18-2003 - 11:38pm
Great story! Enjoy your new affair. Welcome, use this board for support anytime you feel like you need it. You will find that you have a lot in common with several of us.