What an Amazing wonderful and confusing.
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What an Amazing wonderful and confusing.
| Thu, 10-08-2009 - 11:45am |
Day...
So I spent yesterday with AP. We had pretty much the whole day together and it was AMAZING and horrible all at the same time. We talked about what we want how we are going to get there. But then I had to go home and play the "Happy wife" role again. I hate doing that. I know that some of you will tell me to just walk away from AP but I can't do that. It's him I want to be with and I know he wants that as well. It was soo great to be together and to talk and just be. I want that all the time! I know I am preaching to the choir!!
But I needed to vent! How do you guys deal with this??
M

How?.. not too well sometimes..
I think what it'd be like if our paths have never crossed; how fortunate we are that, even when it is miserable, I am glad that it is miserable, and I am glad that I met someone that makes misery worth it.
Sometimes I just focus on the moment, let the future be what it may, tell myself not to lose focus on the present and the happiness of the shared past.
Sometimes that helps, mostly not :-)..
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Living a double life is the most soul destroying experience unless you don't have a conscience or have a way to totally separate 2 situations or don't really have feelings. I assume that most people in affairs are numb to their primary relationship otherwise they wouldn't be able to cope with hurting that other person. In my experience my feelings are numb.
It's a struggle. Ideally I'd like to be with my AP full-time, but it isn't an option, so I continue to juggle 2 half relationships that make 1 whole relationship.
Wow, what an insightful statement.
Hi mom_nicca,
I'm really happy that you had a nice time with your AP. IMO, it does tend to make the crummy times seem to not matter so much.
I'm lucky that I don't have to do the "happy" thing at home anymore. That's part of why my M ended, I just couldn't act normal. More often than not I would end up crying in the living room while my H sat at the computer.
Anyway, I'd also have to say you're much luckier though! How cool to have him talk about a future with you (at least, that's what it sounds like?). My AP, even though he says he loves me...isn't prepared to leave his W. Although there may be those that would say I'm taking crumbs, I do get to spend an inordinate amount of time with him, and it feels really wonderful. Having said that, I still wish I could be with him all the time too.
I ask myself that sometimes, but really...what's the alternative? You deal with it, or you don't.
Take care,
benska
Well,
It's hard deal with. The last two times we were together I had a break down when he left. I was almost ready to throw in the towel. I agree with chilistar, this A is soul-destroying and heart-wrenching at times.
But then I have times where we are together and even when he goes home I miss him but I'm ok. Most times I feel pretty upset though. I'm trying to take it one day at a time. I wish he would just choose me so we can stop this nonsense. Of course there is a possibility our R
I'm so glad you and your AP had a great day!
Caribu,
I can SOO relate!! I had a major break down yesterday. I get so insecure at times that he won't leave the W that he will find someone else I wonder how he handles it all sometimes. He told me yesterday that he was afraid I would find someone else.... Then I calm down and realize that yes I must take this one day at a time and just breath. And be patient which I am really bad at! LOL Anyway it helps to have all of you here who are in the same boat as me!!
M