what are the chances?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2010
what are the chances?
6
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 10:03am
AP and I have been working our way towards an 'acceptable friendship' ... it's all confusing and mixed up ... we still text things our spouses would find unacceptable but we haven't seen each other in weeks ... well unless you count the most bizarre weekend ever! H and I decided to go on a date on Saturday ... big deal for us since we are on the verge of a Divorce ... and I have to say he is really trying ... holding my hand, opening doors, all the stuff he stopped doing years ago. Anyway ... we go out to dinner and were supposed to go to a late movie ... dinner finished up early so we decide to rush to an earlier show. We get in the theatre just as previews are ending and guess who else is on 'date night'? After sitting through the movie with them 5 rows in front of us and not being able to concentrate, H and I leave. We were heading home but since we had made the earlier movie we still had the sitter for a while and decided to go get some dessert. We go into the restaurant and guess who is having dinner? Fast Forward to Sunday ... H and I go to take the boys out to play and the field we were going to was in use so we go to another one ... we are playing and having fun and I look over and guess who shows up with their kids in tow? COME ON NOW! Now his W knows who I am ... my H knows who he is by name not face so he wouldn't have recognized him, but she definitely noticed and said hi to me ... It was all very awkward and nauseating. It also made me realize that I will never be ok with an 'acceptable' friendship. I understand his position at home and his love for his family and I think I have decided I need to stick where I am for my kids ... that being said I am also ok with the unacceptable friendship that we have. As long as we keep our family lives separate ... we have a deep love for each other and want to be part of each others lives, but this weekend made me realize there was no way it could ever be in a 'normal' capacity ... I'm not saying it has to stay a PA, but I don't think there is any way it will ever not be an EA ... and I think we are fooling ourselves if we think we will always be able to resist the physical urges ... and at this point I'm ok with that ... it is what it is ... I understand that by being friends it's a risk we take ... and the only way to guarantee 100% that nothing will ever happen again is to walk away from each other, which neither one of us wants ... anyway ... just thought I'd share my crazy weekend ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 10:49am

Yeah - the chances of that seem pretty slim! Is this likely to occur often?

You are right - it's almost (but not completely) impossible to stay friends and have absolutely no more physical contact. What it would take for that to happen is at least one of you completely determined that there should be no more physical contact. Doesn't sound like that's the case!

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2010
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 11:14am

I can't imagine the chances of that happening often are too high ... it was a little bizarre ... we do live in the same area and 2 of our kids are the same age ... but we're not in the same town/school system etc. The park we went to , we go to often but have never run into them before, same as movies, restaurants etc. It's not a big area, but big enough to have options for places to go. It was strange because everywhere that H and I went this weekend was not our first choice. Something happened in each case to make us go with the second option. We were supposed to go to the later movie, we tried a different restaurant but it was packed and we went to a different park but the field was in use ... it was all just a lot of bizarre coincidences ...

It's strange, he exists in this nice private corner of my life that is all mine and no one else belongs there ... we have a great relationship and yes it's a secret, but that's how I want it. We could never, nor do I ever want to be out in the open with him. But in this corner of my life he fits ... and it makes me happy ... when it's not a total disaster that is ... which if you've followed previous posts it can be very disastrous at times ... I guess it's the nature of the beast isn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 11:43am

You said that you said Hi to his wife.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2010
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 11:53am
On our 'date night' we just nodded at each other in acknowledgement ... We had sent a text earlier recognizing that we seemed to be on the same date ... and decided to leave it alone ... at the park he came and said hello ... his W knows we are friends ... we have known each other for years ... My H knows of him and that we are friends but wouldn't recognize the face and I decided I didn't want to go through the whole introduction thing ... would have been way too awkward for me ... so we just said casual hello's and went on with our days ... His W said hi to me as we were leaving ... I had to walk right by her so just a friendly hello ... she commented that we seemed to be living parallel lives this weekend ... I just laughed and went on my way ... if I had stopped I may have thrown up on her so continual motion was necessary to avoid that ... I'm hoping this doesn't happen again ... it did a number on my nerves ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2003
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 4:04pm

Wow!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Mon, 04-12-2010 - 8:54pm

I creeps me out when stuff like that happens!