What are the odds?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2009
What are the odds?
3
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 8:51am

Even though they are very few and far between, this is a question to you all that your MM left their spouses, how old were they? Did they have grown or no children? Me and my MM are older with grown children. Although I have recently divorced and ended

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 10:16am

I think every case is different. But naturally, I think having young children at home is a big deterrent to leaving a marriage.

I'm not so sure that the odds are as stacked against a married man (or woman) leaving as they used to be. I know that it's still the exception, but I'm not so sure that the odds are as dismal as often portrayed here. In my own personal life, within the last couple of years, both a very good friend of mine and a relative of mine have lost their husbands to another woman. In both cases the children were older - in one, all adult children, in the other, the youngest was in high school. The marriages, obviously, were VERY long term.

But, since affairs are "hidden", I don't know what "percent" of affairs end in a spouse leaving the marriage. There could be lots of people I know who are having affairs and I just don't know about it.

All I know is, two people very close to my circle had it happen, and to me that seems like a lot. There are numerous more that I've heard about - my son's friend since childhood walked in on his wife with another man, my grandson's classmate's mom walked in on her husband and another woman, etc. etc. Those both ended with the spouse and the AP together because - really - where else could the spouse go?? In the case of the two closer to me - they weren't "discovered" - the spouse left of their own accord and the affair was "discovered" after that - the knowledge that it had been going on for awhile.

Anyway I'm going on way too much - my answer is that I think most cases of spouses who leave for an AP I've heard of that didn't have a big D-day involve spouses with older children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2009
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 11:47am
Thanks for your very interesting response. I wrote about this first in EAS. I've been seeing my MM for 5 years. I had a small d-day. We were seen having coffee. His wife told my husband and they compared phone records but they both, I think, felt that
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Tue, 08-18-2009 - 4:17pm

As someone who lived this