what are the "rules"???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
what are the "rules"???
2
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 2:16am
Here's a question for those of you who've have experience with A's and know the do's and don'ts. I'm on the verge of an A.....it's going to happen, we've already talked about calling it what it is, but we've only kissed as of now. I won't go into too much detail but I've known this person for about a year and a half. I met him at my workplace because he and his pregnant gfriend used to come in all the time. I became kinda friends with both of them (and their beautiful baby). One day, he had come in for something (I work retail) and we got talking about how I wasn't happy in my M (married a year and a half) and how he wasn't happy in his relationship. That was probably 4 months ago. Over the last month, things have ballooned quickly, leading to a kiss a couple days ago. Knowing that this is going to happen, what are good guidelines to lay down, rules to follow, etc. If it wasn't for me working at a place that is public, we would never run into each other. How do you guys work around complicated situations?

As for me, my marriage is close to being over. It's not a bad marriage, just not the right time, or the right people. We rushed into things and now we're having to fix the mistakes.

Thanks!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 7:13am
Hey beautifulbabyblue...welcome to our home...er, board! ;)

Having an A isn't an easy thing to do. There are a lot of ups and quite a few downs to even the most pleasant relationship with OM/MM.... Make sure you know what you are getting into before you start an A. With that said...

Know what the A's guidelines are...is it sex only? will it include emotions (hard not to)? or strictly FWB? Knowing up front with both parties expect from the A does tend to help things out.

Keep posting! You'll find TONS of support from everyone here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Fri, 04-16-2004 - 7:27am
Hiya beautifulbaby,

Like you I'm kinda new here, posted for the first time months ago, then kinda lurked for ages after that up until yesterday.

I've been in a 4 year affair so I sort of know any guidelines that you may need advice on.

You know if its going to happen one way or another and no matter what people say, if you're going to do it, you're going to do it.

First off, if its gonna happen, then its gonna happen - and in regards to that, the advice I gave to myself as I had absolutely no one to confide in when it started, was try not to get caught. Be careful who you tell (in my case no-one) and where you go if you do not want to get found out.

Just be safe and if possible try not to fall in love - it only complicates things a million times more :-)

Try and know when to call him and he can call you, that also helps a lot!

If you do fall in love and most of us do, there's always support around as I have found out recently!

Just be careful both physically and emotionally and take care of yourself ok?

Love and good luck,

S. xx