What did he mean by this comment?
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 10-24-2003 - 10:01pm |
Against all I ever thought I'd do, I am involved in an affair with a married man. We knew each other in high school and reconnected at the beginning of June. In the first month, we e-mailed each other every day getting to know each other again and by the end of the month, realized we really cared for each other. The physical attraction was there, as well. We graduated HS in 1977. We now live 130 miles apart. He has since told me that I am the love of his life and many other things that indicate he truly means it. Maybe I'm a fool, but I do feel in my heart that he's sincere. We have only gotten together twice, and before the first time, he told me that if a sexual relationship would ruin our friendship, he wouldn't want to risk it. ("This isn't all about sex.") However, we certainly are compatible in that way, and in every other way. I am divorced. He has been married for 17 years and has two children. He is not willing to leave his wife at this point because he would "literally fall apart" without his children. They are his whole life and he feels his life didn't begin until they were born. However, he is no longer in love with his wife. They do not talk or show each other affection. He has become "content" with the situation. He has said that he wants us to be a couple at some point in the future and that he would love nothing better. I am struggling with the usual feelings of truly loving him but being in agony so much of the time with the situation. Although I am in love with him, I am not shutting the door on anyone who I may meet that can give me all that I want right now. It is a weird feeling even thinking about trying to start a relationship with someone else because he has my heart, but I realize that I have to be realistic. It could be years before he's in a position to make a move and I know there's no guarantee it will happen then. We'll see -- only time will tell. But enough of that.
For now, this is my question. When we were getting to know each other, I asked him if he had ever cheated on his wife before. He said, "no, but I've thought about it." This comment came back into my mind recently and I began to ponder on it. I've never heard anyone actually say they had thought about having an affair. Usually, it seems to just happen without being planned. I'm wondering why he thought that. In other words, I'm wondering if it was for sex, feeling wanted, etc.? I also wonder if it wasn't me, would it have been someone else? I do plan to ask him this myself on Monday, but for now I'd like opinions, particularly from the viewpoint of a man.
Thanks for any insight.
Barbara

Anyway, thanks for your insight.