What to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
What to do...
4
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 7:10pm

I have no clue where to go from here and what is best for him... His W has suspected for awhile now and found something to comfirm it and flipped out. She ended up telling their girls all under 13 that she had an A and now Dad is and they are getting divorced. (she had an A for 5 years), then I find out today that Friday it got worse she attempted suicide and he had to admit her to the hospital Saturday for suicide watch. Her Mom committed suicide 5 years ago so there are mental issues there. I told him that we could be done, Im trying to make it easier on him but he said that hasnt crossed his mind. I dont know what to do about this.. I feel horrible. Anyone?

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: wcisel
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 11:20pm

only this woman is responsible for her actions, not one other person on this planet is responsible for her actions, only her. So if she kills herself, that's her, and it's the single most selfish thing anyone can do (even more than an A!)

That being said, this woman also really set herself up. If your mm is wanting a divorce, he'll get it easily, and he'll get custody of the girls, too. Mom is unstable, based on her suicide attempt. That's so sad that she tried that.

For now, for you, just let him know he can call on you any time, day or night, but that you won't call him, so that he can deal with this fall out without interruption. Be available for him, be supportive, but don't expect much from him. Regardless of the status of their marriage, she has been a part of his life all these years and it's hard when that takes a dive like this. He'd gonna be torn over what to do next. Sounds like divorce is in the air, but it's gonna be hard for everyone. Take a deep breath, you are not responsible for her actions. You are only responsible for yours, so act responsibly right now (and waiting for him to call is gonna be hard, but the most supportive thing you can do)

Please keep us updated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: wcisel
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 11:30pm
Thanks for the post. I actually called my therapist today and she said the same thing. He is gonna try and call me tomorrow. But yes I'm definitely giving him room. This is so hard and such a mess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
In reply to: wcisel
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 2:11pm
Well I talked to him today. He had to figure out how to get out of the house, its pretty bad. We are ending it right now so he can get his things together. I guess he made up his mind Friday he was leaving and thats when she freaked out, got his gun. I am really sad but I totally understand, this is horrible. He wants to call me next week when he goes out of town, I told him that he could. He wants to discuss this some more. We didnt get to talk long. I hate this, now his family knows of me and his family talked him into going to counseling. He told me that no matter happens he loves me :( I held back tears but he didnt. This is not fun .
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: wcisel
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 4:15pm
(((HUGS)))) Seems there is enough pain to go around and around. Sorry you are all going through all this. Hopefully, he will get the time he needs to start cleaning up this mess.