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| Tue, 05-12-2009 - 12:34pm |
I retained an attorney yesterday morning. DH doesn't know. I am going to tell him as soon as the papers are filed.
I have been in an A for a little over 3 months with someone I was very close to in my twenties (I am now in my early 40s). The circumstances are not really important, but I do have a question.
My attorney told me that if I have a boyfriend, to keep him off to the side and not let STBXH find out, which I totally understand. He also said not to introduce him to my kids, but I already have. It has been under the pretense that it is a moms/dads get-together at a fast food place with a play structure so the kids can play together and the parents can hang out.
I have introduced him as "so and so's daddy" and we stay at arm's length the whole time. We have met this way 3 or 4 times.
My question is this: Have you always kept your AP separate from your kids? If not, have there been negative consequences for you or the kids and has it effected the outcome of your divorce? My attorney said it could effect the property disbursement and possibly custody of my kids. They are 3 1/2 and 5 1/2. I am in Michigan, btw.

I don't have personal experience, but, you're paying your lawyer a lot of money for his advice, so I would take it! Even if the official laws don't allow an A to affect the outcome of property settlement or custody, it still might very well affect the judges in such a way that they alter their judgments - and who can prove "why" they make their judgments? As long as it's in the confines of the law, they can do it however they please. Your lawyer is familiar with the divorce laws of your state, and he's also seen how things go when there are APs and when there aren't any (or they're not involved). Although you introduce your AP as a "friend", your children might say something to make your STBXH suspicious and he might go about finding out exactly what this "friend" really is.
I would definitely not involve the children again until you're free and clear, and he is too (not sure if he already is). I wouldn't want my kids to be any part of anything BEFORE it's legitimate anyway. You'd be surprised what they might remember when they're older, and put two and two together years later. Not something you want them to throw in your face when they're teens, trust me!
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
I would consider myself fortunate that you had no negative consequences from having done it so far, but I wouldn't do it again!