What to do about X-mas party

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
What to do about X-mas party
20
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:03pm
Little re-cap : MM and I work together. He and his W and me and my H always sit together at the party for the past 2 years. The A has only been going on a month or so, but at past parties we couldn't keep our eyes off each other and were noticed by our H & W along with just about everyone there. Even though nothing was going on. We have been incredibly attracted to each other from day 1 when I started working here, but just have acted on it. Anyway my dillema of sorts:

The first party we had I wore a slinky black dress and my H said I looked "not like the other ladies there". Which was not true. The difference was I was the youngest woman there and had to dance w/ one of my co-workers, not MM, as a joke for the last door prize alone on the dance floor w/ all eyes on us. So we got alot of attention that year, especially me.

Anyway last year, to avoid conflict I wore a nice silk blouse and black skirt, nothing to draw attention to myself and appease my H. (Still didn't keep MM's eyes off me though-:wink:)

So this year I bought a "knock-em dead" black dress because I want to torture MM that night while he is there with his W. This dress shows every curve on my body. I have been going to the tanning bed and have gotten my tan back and am going all out w/ hair and nails too. One problem....my H. We have had several arguments about what I am going to wear. He said I should dress like MM's W does ! LOL! I refuse to dress down this year. He says I am dressing up for someone...I said yeah...myself ! Do you all agree that he is being just plain possesive and acting out of jealously ? Even though unbeknownst to him he has a reason to be ?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:13pm
oh come on blue, you know your H is one big ball of JEALOUSY!!

so how important is it to YOU to wear that black dress? every single man in my life, including MM, has tried to tell me what to say, where to go, what to wear, even what color nail polish i "should" wear. and you know what? i've done EXACTLY what i wanted to because i can! simple as that.

soooooo, you go ahead and wear that dress if you want to! you will have a few more arguments with H, be the "talk" of the party, and MM's eyes (and other parts!!) will follow you all night. but so what. will you get fired from your job or will your H divorce you? nope.

so go for it and enjoy being strong and beautiful and desired!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS honey!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:26pm
I say wear the black dress if it makes you feel good. Jealousy comes from insecurity and there's nothing more unattractive than an insecure man. Yuck. If H doesn't want to go with you dressed like that, tell him to stay home.

Now, I do have a question. Last summer I got a tan and some confidence and MM started paying attention to me. I felt sexier than I had in my entire life so I bought some cute little sundresses. They weren't that bad...the skirts were a little short and sometimes the tops might have been a little low cut. People at work FREAKED OUT. They started saying I was having an affair because I was "dressing differently." So I got rid of those clothes and started dressing a little more conservatively. (Not quite conservative, though...still sexy.) Now if I dare wear anything with the slightest cleavage showing, they start whispering again. My question to you and everyone else is, do you find people talk about you more because of the way you dress? It's as if they expect you to play the part... Sometime in the last month I started not liking the person I saw in the mirror. I missed the nice girl-next-door me. I LOOKED like someone who was having an A. So I got rid of even more clothes and now I'm wearing more sweaters and such. Still sexy, just not quite so out there. I'm actually back to the way I dressed before the A...partly because it's cold like it was before the A (which began in May!) but partly because I want to be the old me. The one I liked when I looked in the mirror... I have some sexy clothes and I'd like nothing more than to wow MM at the Christmas party, but if I dare wear anything sexy, they'll all be sitting there whispering about how THAT is the woman who's having the affair with MM. They'll probably do that anyway, but if I look the part it's going to be worse... I guess just overall, is this an issue for anyone else and if so, how do you handle it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:44pm
I agree with Gurl- do this for yourself. Don't let anyone tell you differently. If it makes you feel good- go for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 3:06pm
Wear the dress!!! My God, at least your H IS jealous. I was in a wedding over the summer and the bride picked out these black, long sexy dresses for us to wear. The back was cut WAYYYY LOW! I had my hair done and my nails also. Being the dresses were so clingy I actually wore nothing underneath. It was an evening wedding not in a church thank god!!!! I had to have H help me slip the dress over my head. Now I'm naked and I must say I work out EVERYDAY to keep my shape and he said NOTHING! He didn't even pay one bit of attention to me the whole night. I was home by 10 and on the phone with MM. He doesn't even have to see me to tell me he could only imagine how sexy I looked.

So wear that dress and walk into that party like you are the hottest looking DIVA there. Cause you know you are!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 3:19pm
hey lilah, i understand completely. we dress the way we feel at the time. you lost weight, were tan and it was summer so you wore slightly more revealing sundresses. now it's winter and you want to wear clothes to reflect how you feel now. and people will always speculate about someone in the office who starts changing like you did, but you have to be true to yourself. if you want go back to dressing less flashy, go for it. sometimes less is more, insofar as less skin showing is sexier than letting it all hang out.

dress however you want to, that's your choice. you only have to please yourself and be able to look in that mirror and like the woman looking back at you, dressed or not!!

i had the same issues. BF met me with blond hair, in tight jeans with an orange (my fave color) sweater, chewing gum and drinking beer from the bottle. after a few months of dating, he started trying to change me by "mentioning" that he thought it looked low class for a woman to drank straight from the bottle, or chew gum. AND that he liked dark hair better than blond..... after several of these comments, i finally asked him why on earth he was interested in me in the first place since i was ALL the things he didn't like (he couldn't quite get to "hate")? he said he was trying to "improve" me!! so much for only women trying to change their men! i did go back to light brown hair because that's my natural color and i was tired of dying the roots every month, but i changed nothing else and we're still together, almost 11 years now! and BF stopped saying anything about what he did or didn't like about my wardrobe and drinking habits.

and btw, MM has never asked me to change anything or act differently or be untrue to myself and i would NEVER put up with that nonsense now anyway!

the upshot is -- be who you are, for yourself!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 3:24pm
gosh, secret, that does make a woman wonder. your H..... i can't even say it! sorry, but i feel for you.

i had that kind of M too. and i felt horrible about myself, not desirable as a woman at all. until i went out of state to visit a sick girlfriend and a male friend of hers paid me a compliment on my hair that had me looking at him with my mouth hanging open. i didn't know what to say since i hadn't had a compliment for, oh, at least 10 years from H.

thank god for your MM!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 3:27pm
Gurl, I can totally picture you in tight jeans chewing gum and drinking beer from the bottle. Is there another way to be?!

Lilah, knock 'em dead, sug! They won't know what hit 'em!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 3:34pm
hell, gc, i've got a great butt so those jeans look great! and is there any other way to drink corona - i think not!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 3:59pm
You guys crack me up-you are hilarious!!!


Edited 12/10/2003 4:16:21 PM ET by chrissywags
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:02pm
You know what ? I am going to wear the damn dress ! Because I want to and MM can't wait to see me in it ! or out of it ! LOL ! I'm getting tired of coming to bed every night in those sexy gowns and him rolling over the other way. I am a sexy woman and it's time someone recognize it even if it happens to be every man there ! I am telling him though that if he plans on acting like a stick in the mud he can stay home. Somebody will be glad to give me a ride home I bet ! LOL !

Can you believe he wanted me to wear pants ? LOL !

You all really made me feel better about myself. I am going to go and have a good time next weekend.

~Blue

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