What to do before the affair gets physical?
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|Mon, 11-12-2012 - 9:34pm|
Stop it! I know I am not looking to be judged I am looking for advice. A poster asked an excellent question and for me I got married because I was lonely in pain and trying to heal old wounds. The first man that saw me who said I love you, will take care of you and yes I want you for you I married. My son had died at birth a year before I met him and my husband rescued me. Six years later our differences are apparent but somethings are the same. I am not physically attracted to my husband never have been. I fell in love with his personality and his heart. Now my hs sweetheart rekindled contact and I am going nuts as he was my one true love. He has a gf that he is attempting to remain faithful to and I have never cheated on my husband but have talked to him about date nights, investing in the emotional bank of our marriage.
My husband is smart brilliant and successful. I stay at home with our two small boys and I feel like a hollow log. It's me not him! I am clinically depressed and feel as though I would be better off not married to anyone not even my hs sweetheart. I am not good at having my freedom taken away and since the day I've married my husband I feel trapped. I hate the city we live in it isn't me, the car i drive. I do not recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror. In August I went to my 20 year class reunion and for one night and a day I was alive and was my true self.
I do not need or want to hear judgment calls i haven't had sex with my hs sweetheart and have prayed to my God to help me. Individual counseling is 150.00 a session so I continue to go to church pray and wait for this void to be filled. No one but me and God can remove this but the regret the what ifs are painful.
The memories my ex-bf and I discussed were so beautiful. Our lovemaking how much I deeply loved and cared for him I have never felt that way for my husband but I honor and respect him. I have love for him because he is the father of my children but he isn't my first choice. I am so depressed right now my husband isn't home from work. I will put my children to bed soon and I just want to go to bed crawl up in a fetal position and cry but I will sleep instead.