What do I do????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2009
What do I do????
3
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 11:31am

Hello


I have never done anything on-line like this before but I am desperate for answers.

Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 12:10pm

tough choices you have to make, and only you can make them. You have to decide if you want your marriage. Decide that first. Is there anything there? Your H is great, that's what you said. You have children together. So decide if you want your marriage. If you do, you have to cut that man out of your life completely and turn completely into your h. Make this decision quickly, because if you don't, you are just gonna get in deeper and it will be even harder to get out. Check out the marriage builders website, search it for tools. If you continue in your A, everyone will get hurt, you are all already hurting and it will only get worse. BTW, what you have right now is an emotional affair, it IS an affair, and your h knows that. You are having an affair (it took me nearly a year to realize and understand that in my own life!) You have hard choices to make, but based on your post, I'd say if this x hadn't come along, you'd have happily continued in your marriage, which means you aren't wanting to leave it. You just can't leave your marriage for another man, if you need out, you need out for yourself and your own account doesn't indicate that.

And when you go no contact (known here as NC) it will feel like you lost your best friend, and like your guts are being ripped out. This is when you have to turn to your H and he has really be there to catch you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 1:05pm
" Can I ever be happy with my H now that I know how my ex feels? " No.Its not one sided.you also feel it for him so you will be thinking about him while physically being present with H.So basically you will be with your AP,kwim?
like i said in another post,real love is a tough call.you will pine for him and he,for you.
i wish i had an answer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Tue, 06-16-2009 - 3:52pm
I am very intrigued by your message here, as my situation is incredibly similar. However, my M has its share of toxicity, and I have been unhappy for quite awhile. Then suddenly that love of your life pops back into the picture (timing is everything) and wow. My H is still unaware but things are unfolding. Keep us posted on what happens with you.