What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2003
What do I do?
3
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 8:41pm
I've been married over 11 yrs. to a great guy. Not my dream man. I married him because he was safe, honest, he loved me, I could be myself, I know he would never cheat on me. But......I wonder if he is really the one. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. I can't remember the last time I really wanted to have sex. I mean, I really don't remember. Maybe 7 yrs. or more. If he was just a room mate and no sex. Just raising the kids, this would be great. I am not turned on by him. I can't stand to have him kiss me, touch me sexually or have sex. I have to have had some drinks and really concentrate on fantisizing.

There is a guy at work who I am wondering if I missed out on something. I am extremely attracted to him and I know he is to me. He is not married. He would treat me the way I am looking for. He would be romantic, (he's sexy too, at least I think so), he appreciates me as a woman, he would find a way to do things for me, HE's AFFECTIONATE, he listens, etc. All the things I was always looking for. How can I be married and friends with my husband and want to be with someone else?

This has been going on for over a year. I have tried to not be around him at work and forget about him, but I can't help myself. I;m the type of person that when I want something, I have to have it. And I will find a way to get it. We have been talking about going out for drinks again. We've kissed, we always hug and find anyway to get any contact with each other. What do I do?

Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: misfit_me
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 8:58pm


You have no real idea how this man will treat you 5 years from now or if he will even be interested in you after he has be shagging you for 5 or 6 weeks, you have pumped him up in your imagination into this super wonderfull Guy, your going to find out that reality can be very different from your fantasies.

Perhaps it is time for you to tell your husband he does not make the grade any more and you want out of the marriage instead of wasteing both your time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
In reply to: misfit_me
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 9:19pm
Dear Misfit... what to do? Sounds like you're already doing it. Around here you'll hear a lot of different advise. Mine is this -- seperate the issues of the marriage from that of whether or not to have an affair. Believe me, and affair is not going to make your marriage any more satisfying. I'm a big believer in making our beds, then lying in them. In other words, we sometimes create our husbands then grouse because they don't meet our expectations. Having said that, I should let you know I'm a MW having an A with a MM. It has made the marriage tougher, but I will never leave my husband for all the reasons you stated in your first paragraph. Moreover, I could never hurt him, so will always do my best to keep the A completely seperate. Really there is no good advise except to caution you not to look for a fix to a unsatisfactory marriage in the arms of another man. Good luck to you. Let us know how it goes... And yes, ladies -- I'M BACK MINUS A WHOLE LOT OF TUMMY!!! Yippeee..
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
In reply to: misfit_me
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 10:29pm
I would agree with Saturday..you need to keep the M and the possiblity of the A separate. I too am a MW having an affair with a MM. Your first paragraph sounded just like me. Sometimes, I often wonder, is my marriage really that bad or is the A just that good? If you do jump into an A, I know alot of us will tell you, be prepared for a rollar-coaster!