What do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
What do I do now?
1
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 6:19pm
So… for those of you that I was talking to earlier you know I went to spend time with MM today. I got a hotel room and waited! *annoyed* FINALLY he showed up and we started talking about the working situation (since he is my boss and I’ve been contemplating leaving). Basically bottom line he has decided he can’t do this anymore. Especially with me working for him. He said he’s tired of feeling like a heel during the “in between time” because he is always letting me down and he’s tired of the guilt he feels. He doesn’t know what it would be like if I weren’t working for him but he SAYS this has nothing to do with his feelings – that he still feels the same way about me and “wants” to be with me – he just can’t! :( I do NOT understand and he doesn’t understand why I can’t understand – it’s like some vicious circle we go in! Well he told me all this while we were just sitting talking – fully dressed. But then we started kissing and making out and I stopped him saying I couldn’t do it. I mean hell he’s BASICALLY saying he doesn’t want to be with me and yet we are gonna get it on? Well… he ofcourse didn’t push me so we were just laying there together and I have NO pride so initiate IC and things go on from there! I mean what is wrong with me – the guy just told me he can’t keep doing this and I’m willing to STILL put out? What am I talking about? I wanted it just as much if not more than him so… :p

Anyway – I feel like I’m not asking the right questions or appropriate ones to get somewhere ya know? Just like we go in circles cause I feel like he’s saying he doesn’t want ME and he says that’s NOT the case he just doesn’t feel right about this – basically because he KNOWS he can’t offer me what I want or wish he would and so he feels like he should walk away type thing!?!?! And ALL I want is for him to love me! That’s it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 8:56pm
I think it all boils down to your last sentences...you want him to love you. Unfortunately, none of us can force someone into feelings they don't have or are not able to have.

Are you willing to accept just having your sexual needs fulfilled with him, and nothing more? If so then it sounds like you MAY have a future together, if he agrees to that. It seems like he's made it pretty clear that he can't give you what you want now and that he needs the break.

Honestly, I think you need to distance yourself from him for now as much as you can and see if he is able to find his way back to you. If not, you have your answer.

Hugs, I know it's hard. :(