If you're as "checked out" in your marriage as you think you are - your children realize your heart isn't in it. They may not verbalize it or even really understand WHAT is happening.. but they know. Trust me. THEY KNOW. After the initial shock of the separation wore off, both of my kids (separately and privately) told me they knew their dad and I weren't happy. We tried to not fight when they were around or to act differently with them.. but it just happens. Unhappiness with a situation shows itself without us even realizing it.
I never thought I could make it alone - but it's amazing how well kids (and you!) adapt when the stress of life is lifted. Has it been easy? NO. I won't lie and tell you it's been easy, but even when money is tight and the kids are arguing and I'm fed up with work -- it's still easier to cope when I'm not trying to hide an affair and keep the peace at home.
I've lost just about all the "friends" I had when ex-dh and I separated. At first, I was pretty devastated that people I'd been friends with for years could abandon me. But, I quickly realized these weren't my true "friends" if they were willing to believe everything my ex said and not listen to my side at all. I'm not placing the blame all on his shoulders, but he wasn't innocent and while I know I went about things wrong -- he didn't deserve all the sympathy and back-patting that he recieved either. I've slowly made new friends - though I don't tell them nearly as much as I've told people in the past. AP/BF is my very best friend and the one that I tell everything to. I trust him 100% whereas I don't think I'll ever trust "friends" as much again.
How old are your kids? What state are you in? These are among the many
questions I would ask you.You might lose cutoday of your kids if they
are too young.You might lose all your friends and family. Your reputation might be tarnished -- people are always more than ready to point fingers at others .
How old are your kids? What state are you in? These are among the many questions I would ask you.You might lose cutoday of your kids if they are too young.You might lose all your friends and family. Your reputation might be tarnished -- people are always more than ready to point fingers at others .
It's all in hindsight now of course, but if I'd been able to think clearly about it all...and knowing how difficult it's been for me since ex-h and I split up...I might have let AP/BF go.
But, when I really think hard about it....what did I lose? I lost "things", that's it. They were just things. As far as losing friends? Well, as far as I'm concerned, if I lost friends because of my decision, then they weren't really friends...were they? Not a one of them had a personal stake in what happened....and for anybody that judges me because of it, well that's just too bad. They can spend some time in my shoes....they can live with a man who couldn't/wouldn't...and didn't, touch me intimately in years and years.
As far as losing children? That's ridiculous. My kids love me still, and they always will.
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You've got a lot of choices. I
Well, before my d-day, I didn't feel like I had much to lose, and felt like I'd checked out of my marriage, as well.
anotherseyes
Hey Jersey, I read on a board once that its better to come from a broken home then to live in one. That really hit me on all levels and believe in
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
<
Sometimes I think this way, too.
anotherseyes
If you're as "checked out" in your marriage as you think you are - your children realize your heart isn't in it. They may not verbalize it or even really understand WHAT is happening.. but they know. Trust me. THEY KNOW. After the initial shock of the separation wore off, both of my kids (separately and privately) told me they knew their dad and I weren't happy. We tried to not fight when they were around or to act differently with them.. but it just happens. Unhappiness with a situation shows itself without us even realizing it.
I never thought I could make it alone - but it's amazing how well kids (and you!) adapt when the stress of life is lifted. Has it been easy? NO. I won't lie and tell you it's been easy, but even when money is tight and the kids are arguing and I'm fed up with work -- it's still easier to cope when I'm not trying to hide an affair and keep the peace at home.
I've lost just about all the "friends" I had when ex-dh and I separated. At first, I was pretty devastated that people I'd been friends with for years could abandon me. But, I quickly realized these weren't my true "friends" if they were willing to believe everything my ex said and not listen to my side at all. I'm not placing the blame all on his shoulders, but he wasn't innocent and while I know I went about things wrong -- he didn't deserve all the sympathy and back-patting that he recieved either. I've slowly made new friends - though I don't tell them nearly as much as I've told people in the past. AP/BF is my very best friend and the one that I tell everything to. I trust him 100% whereas I don't think I'll ever trust "friends" as much again.
How old are your kids? What state are you in? These are among the many questions I would ask you.You might lose cutoday of your kids if they are too young.You might lose all your friends and family. Your reputation might be tarnished -- people are always more than ready to point fingers at others .
anotherseyes
It's all in hindsight now of course, but if I'd been able to think clearly about it all...and knowing how difficult it's been for me since ex-h and I split up...I might have let AP/BF go.
But, when I really think hard about it....what did I lose? I lost "things", that's it. They were just things. As far as losing friends? Well, as far as I'm concerned, if I lost friends because of my decision, then they weren't really friends...were they? Not a one of them had a personal stake in what happened....and for anybody that judges me because of it, well that's just too bad. They can spend some time in my shoes....they can live with a man who couldn't/wouldn't...and didn't, touch me intimately in years and years.
As far as losing children? That's ridiculous. My kids love me still, and they always will.
Pages