What to do if confronted?
Find a Conversation
What to do if confronted?
| Fri, 05-14-2004 - 11:02am |
The MW that I have been seeing got caught by her H (I'll skip the logistics as to how she got caught.) He knows she has been fooling around, but he doesn't know to what extent, or with who. He suspects me, but has no proof. I know it's just a matter of time before he confronts me. What do you say when a confrontation occurs? I do not want to wreck either marriage. Please offer past experiences and/or advice--I need it badly and quickly.

From what I have read that's the only thing you can do.
Good luck.
well the logistics of how he found out would help considerably. did she tell him?? did he find an email, love note...perhaps the two of you together?? has she told him she's been seeing you?
You seem to be in quite a pickle. maybe the two of you (MW) could come up with a story of your friendship as suggested. But if she suddenly tells him she's been sleeping with you, and you say you're just friends...well that would be bad...
but if possible deny, deny, deny...and if it looks as if he's going to tell your W...beat him to it...if you can
Lot's of luck and sending hugs of support your way!!
Is he a methodical, facts and process kind of guy or is he an opinionated, emotional kind of person? Does he focus more on results or the process?
The more "cool" he is, the higher the chance he's a "rules" person. He'll be looking to your answers to make sure you didn't cross the line with his W. If that's the case, he likely won't be looking to see how you feel, he'll be listening to what you've done. My W is a rules person: she wants to know what's happened and then gauge it's appropriateness. It wouldn't matter how I felt really if I didn't act on it.
The more emotional and "warm" he is, the less he'll look at the line and the more he'll try to gauge your feelings and intent towards his W. He'll be looking to see if she or you have "let him down." While your contact with his W might have been over the line, it might get blown off if he believes your intent was less than devious. I'm an Expressive: my lover having lunch with someone they lust after is almost as big a let down as finding out they had sex with them. At the same time, sex with someone on the spur of the moment would likely be forgiven if it was a momentary situation with no emotion attached.
If you can figure out which sort of relief he's looking for, you'll be able to reassure him more quickly when the time comes. And remember that any believable lie has its foundations in the truth. *VERY JUDICIOUSLY* sprinkle truth throughout your story. If you have a revelation that might add new truth for him without implying anything else, it might be ok to slip that in. BTDT, it can help.
If you've been busted, be careful following the much lauded "deny, deny, deny." I know it's a popular solution, and the right one for many cases, especially if you don't think you can stand up and weave a new tale. But once denial is out of the question (as it seems to be) the trick is "spin, spin, spin."
Good luck.
rain