What to do??? Never thought I'd be here

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
What to do??? Never thought I'd be here
4
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 8:23pm
I don't know what to do. I never thought I would be in this situation, and I just don't know where to go for advice. I'm 24 years old and have been married to my dh for 3 years next month. We've been together for about 6 years. We also have a 2 year old daughter.

In the past month or so, I have found myself interested in another man. He is also married, but very unhappy and is planning on divorcing his wife. they have no children and live about an hour away. We used to only talk on the internet, for hours every night. Recently we have been talking on the phone everyday. We are planning on seeing each other on the 17th.

I am absolutly in a happy marriage! My husband and I are truly "soulmates". We know what each other is thinking, we are each others half. I don't feel like I am missing anything in my marriage and don't know what I would do without my wonderful husband. he is a good father and plays and active role in our daughters life. He helps me with whatever I need. He is there for me emotionally and physically. But, he is the only man I have ever had any physical relations with. I find myself wondering, what would sex be like with another man? Am I really satisfied with my sex life at home, or do I think I am because I have nothing to compare it to. It isn't just the physical curiousity that makes me want to be with this other man, I really enjoy our conversations.

I know that whatever is done, can't be undone. I know that I will never leave my husband and have told this other man that. I don't know what to do. Any advice would be great!!!

Kamcastillo

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 3:07pm
hi kamcastillo and welcome to the board. sorry it's taken so long to get back to you, but your post was pushed way down the board.

i have a daughter and this what i would say to her: if you love your H and your M is offering you everything you need, why jepardize everything for strange sex? yes, there are a billion other guys out there who are probably great sexually, but do you really need to explore that option when you have good, affectionate, satisfying, loving sex with your H??

most of the posters here will tell you that no sex, or bad sex, is the no. #1 reason they started an A. curiosity killed the cat, sweetie. don't do this -- do not meet this man on the 17th. don't correspond with him, don't talk with him on the 'puter. say goodbye, it's been fun, but it's over. and mean it. stay out of chatrooms that lead you to question yourself and your life. those people (as are we on this board) are strangers.

will you change your entire life for a stranger?? that's your choice. be aware of the consequences if you proceed any further.

good luck with your decision,

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 4:12pm
I have to agree. Just to know what strange sex is like, is not a good enough reason to start an affair. You have, what you say to be a perfect marriage and a husband who is your soulmate! This is one thing that most of the people on this board don't have. I believe that most of us were driven into affairs for much stronger reasons! And believe me, no matter how happy we are with MM, we would have loved to take the MM good qualities and put it in our H and not go through the agony! But I have to say something here. I dont think that strange sex was ur only motive! Is there really absolutely nothing wrong in your relationships with your husband?

But overall, and I think most people would agree, if you are that happy and satisfied in your marriage, dont go for an affair! Definitely avoid it while you still can. Once you meet this guy and have sex with him, it will become next to impossible to stop it right away!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:05pm
I agree, you don't want to wreck a good thing! Flirting on the web is alot different than the real thing! I was very unhappy in my life for years. Don't rush into something that has an on going change of events that you can not turn away from. Your safe now! Please stay that way. And if you are married to your absolute love. Talk to him about how you can spice up your life together! have fun with your marriage! Just because your married doesn't mean the romance has to go out the back door!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 5:19pm
You've gotten good advice here so far kam...I hope you'll take it.

I suppose I can understand why you would wonder what it would be like to be with another man. But take it from someone who has been with a few people in my time. The best sex is between two people who love and trust and desire each other. It sounds like you already have that. Don't risk losing that for something different. There are basically only two things that could come of this for you. 1)You find it unfulfulling and wonder why you did it or 2)You'll enjoy it and want more, which could be even worse. Either way, you'll feel guilty and it will change how you view your M.

There is only one question you need to ask yourself here: which is more important to you - sex or love? Hopefully it is the latter. And if so, you'll need to break ties with this OM and tell him you can't be with him.