What do you do when they come back?
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What do you do when they come back?
| Thu, 06-10-2010 - 3:02pm |
I have been a lurker here for years and have had so much help by just reading everyones stories and posts. I have been meaning to post.. just a little shy I gess. Sorry if my abbreviations are off.. Quick story..
I was involved with a MM for a little over a year.. Dday was last October. We made the decision to not talk and to go on with our lives and work on ourselves, he felt the need to try and work things out and make sure she was okay.. Understandable.. hurt but I understood that when you have been with someone for over 10 years you try to not leave everything in shambles..

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Hi SM,
I have been lurking here for awhile and hesitate to post anything since I really haven't been getting much in the way of responses. I even started a thread to see if I could get some encouragement and the only response I got was one response. I did read all the posts on this thread, and I have to agree
with you, SM. I am a MM and my AP is S. We have also tried to break it off because he will feel guilt, etc. We also know that this R is not going to dissolve my M. There really is no future in a committed "us". He does, like your AP, provide me with something "magical" that is
definately lacking in my M. My H is not very
romantic, and told me that he does not enjoy kissing me like I enjoy kissing. So, my AP kisses me...we can kiss for a very long time and he enjoys that and knows i do, too. :) my AP desires to make me smile and has been an extremely good friend. (with a ton of benefits!) i don't want to lose that right now, and I really need to
calm my emotions down currently, as I am on a family vacation and have not heard much at all from AP. (not one text!) but, since we have no commitment, he owes me nothing, nor do I owe him anything. It is what it is.
Anyway, I hope to hear from you, SM!
~heartsofsix
Hi heartsofsix and thanks very much for your response. It helps a lot to hear of someone in a similar situation.
I see that you have got a few responses to your post now, which I hope has made you feel better.
It is hard to calm your emotions down sometimes and there are times when I desperately want to hear from AP but I know that I will eventually. I've got better at this lately.
I am sorry you haven't heard from AP while on vacation but I think like some of the posters on the other thread said, he is probably thinking that you are away with your family and may feel a bit weird about it, or just be conscious of not catching you at a difficult time. Also, like I've read a lot on the boards, people don't always get round to communicating even if they are thinking of you.
I think I sometimes forget to see things from the other person's point of view. It must be hard for them too, whether they want a full on relationship or not. There are still feelings involved.
I think reading a lot of the posts on here has helped me calm down a lot, and try to enjoy it for what it is.
It is good that you are getting your needs met by your AP though, and I do think people have As for different reasons. I'm sorry to hear about your husband and the kissing! That must be so frustrating. I think it's good you can see it for what it is as well.
I personally love the escapism element of it myself. I don't think it would be the same if I ended up with my AP. I know life would get in the way and the bills, dirty socks, and whatever else would change things. I happily accept that that is part of life and marriage and that part works well with husband, but I think that if I can escape in to my other world from time to time I feel happier and better, for whatever reason. If I do feel my feelings are getting too much I will back off for a little bit. This is a recent thing really but I do find it helps put everything back into perspective.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation and let me know what happens!
SM
Well, I am back from vacation. AP texted me yesterday, on the drive home (thankfully, H was driving and did not see my phone - I usually have the ringer on silent), AND he sent me a text this
afternoon. All it said was "Are you back
yet?" I responded (but made him wait a few minutes) and then I asked him to call me and didn't get to the call right away...I don't want him to think I wait on pins and needles for a message from him!! Well, anyway, we finally connected on the phone - I had told H that i was teaching lessons all afternoon/evening so he wasn't expecting me home until around 8:30. It wasn't a total lie - I did teach some lessons, and then some of them cancelled. (the worst part of the A for me is the lying. I hate lying and i am a horrible lier.)
so, we met up at someone's house who was selling a headboard and frame for a bed. He just moved last week, so I told him I would help him get the
stuff and get it back to his apt. He bought me dinner on the way
back to the apt. When we got there, I just tried to play it cool, didn't want to be the one to
give the first hug, etc. I told myself that if he kissed me, i would just lose it and melt in his arms. My H just does not like kissing very much and has honestly told me that. I find sex without kissing to be monotonous and extremely dull. It did not take long before he pulled me into his arms and passionately welcomed me
back. We connect. I don't know what it is, but we do. When we say "goodbye", though, there are no sad, sappy lingering moments, but he will almost always walk me out to my car. He is alone in his apt now, and made a comment to me about wanting to get a duplicate apt key
for ME! :0 not sure what to make of that one. I can tell in our sexual encounters (especially tonight after having been away from each other for a week) that he is really trying to please me and wants feedback - he will ask "Was that nice?" or "Did you like that?" tonight, he even went so far as to ask "Was that better than Toledo?" (meaning my recent vacation with H and the family). Wow. I didn't really know how to answer that, he took me off guard. But, in the heat of the moment, I said "yes". Now that i think about it, I really mean "yes". How sad. I try to tell H that I need more kissing in our lovemaking, but he doesn't want that. I crave it for some weird reason, and AP does a great job. He is an amazing kisser. This A is going to be a really hard habit
to break. But I am so not ready yet. Preparing, yes. Any day now, he
could pull back from intense guilt. He has done that
before. I guess for me, I have never allowed myself this utter happiness before in my life. It has always been squashed by what I "should" be. I am rebelling, plain and simple. Allowing myself to feel things I have never
before felt. I am enjoying those feelings immensely, and those will always be moments that no one can ever take away from me. :)
Hi Music,
I will agree with all the other comments made on this forum that your MM was indeed bored and figured if he'd contact you again that you would stroke his ego like you have done so many times before. You've done great having
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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Great story Gone!!
My AP from my previous A "sniffs around" every once in awhile.
Hello everyone.. Hope yall all had a great 4th of July weekend.
SM - What you wrote meant a lot because underneath everything I do know he cares about me. And I do keep asking myself why did he have to run in and stir everything up.. for what??? We talked a little bit but in no great length or detail..
Hearts of six, I'm so glad to hear that he contacted you. I know it's hard to just relax and know that they will eventually but as we know and have read they usually do. And I'm trying to take the same attitude as you, although this time it's me that's feeling the guilt, and more towards worrying about him.
But, like you, I know the alternative is not really worth thinking about just at the moment.
MM - I'm so glad that my experience helped in some way. He is clearly confused, as is the nature of these things and giving up a M is no easy thing. I think it sounds very healthy that he is going to counseling and taking the time to really think things through. And I think that being nice is no bad thing when you know someone is genuine, and he'll probably appreciate and respect you more for being like that. He has to come to that decision on his own and giving him the space to do that has clearly made him realise he really missed you.
I know some of the other experiences may be different to mine and say otherwise, and I'm sure it doesn't apply in all cases but I think you know in your heart what he really feels.
I hope it works out, I'd be really interested to hear.
SM
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