What do you do in your M?
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What do you do in your M?
| Sun, 09-07-2008 - 8:14am |
Hey there,
Im new here and I do have a story to share, but not right now. 2 kids needing my attention.
I am wondering... I am having an A with a M man and I am very much in love with him. However, he lives half way across the country so I don't see him much. But I talk to him everyday. And when I do see him, life is amazing! We talk of being together, but not now b/c of our situations. And its understood.
But I am wondering... for all of those M people who are having A's. How are you with your H or W? Do you make the best of your situation? Or are you clearly unhappy? Do you give you M all that you can to keep the peace? And do you feel guilty to your spousse? Or are you just taking what you have and enjoying it?

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it took a combination of "all of the above" for me to sustain my M, during my affair.
mocha
I try to make the best of the situation. It's hard. Having sex with someone other than the one you love, is harder than I ever imagined. Ironically, I am a one-man woman. I have never been into sex, just for the physical part of it.
I find myself having to bite my tongue frequently because of things H does that drive me insane. I'm not talking about little quirks, but just a general negative outlook on life that I didn't notice while we were dating. I have somewhat of a sponge personality so his constant negativity really brings me down.
If it wasn't for my kids, I would have been gone years ago. Until the time I can leave, I just try to find that happy place in my head, drink wine if I know H is wanting S, and keep my goals focused on doing the things I need to do before I can get a D.
I have been in my A for almost 2 years and we are both M. I wasn't happy then and
I'm glad she asked this question actually because i've been wondering the same thing.
If anyone would mind answering...
Do you put on a happy "front" for your spouse?
I don´t pretend, I don´t play games. Not with SO and not with AP. I am myself.
I´ve never left notes around the house for SO. I did with AP when he was BF. I`ve never sent sweet e-mails or txts to SO, but I do with AP. I don´t profess my love to keep the peace but because I mean it. I love my SO, we do have a warm and loving relationship. My feelings for SO has not changed after AP reentered my life. I loved my AP when I met SO (SO is an old friend who was there to pick up the pieces when AP and I broke up) and I didn´t stop loving him. The day I feel unhappy in my R with SO I´ll leave. We´re not married, but we´ve lived together for 12 years. We own a home together, a home we both love. If I leave him it will be for ME, not for anyone else.
Thank you for your replies. Im trying to figure out what to do here. Like I said, I will share the full story. But I have been married 5 years. And most of them, I have never gotten what I needed from him. Physically or emotionally. We have a child and she is the center of our world. I stumbled across a friend of mine who because more than friends more or less via IM or email. We have met together in in the last few months a few times and he is simply amazing. Even if the A doesn't continue, we will be understanding and respectful of one another..
H and I bascially were living as roommates for a few years when AP and I got together. S*x was about once every two months or so if I begged hard enough. Once AP and I started up, I stopped trying with H and really couldn't handle the thought of being with him intimately and I felt like I was kind of betraying AP even though we've never had IC.
H and I are now separated, for completely different reasons and nothing to do with AP at all. AP was really another symptom of what went wrong in our M and I found him because I craved companionship and intimacy that I didn't have in my M. Then I fell in love with AP, which complicates things more than you could ever imagine.
It sounds like you're coming to the point where you have to decide what you really want. What will make you happy? Do you want to stay with H? If so, you will have to make more of an effort in your M. Maybe you need to consider giving up AP if you really want your M to work. If not, then maybe it's time to make plans to move on out of your M. Can you see yourself continuing in your M the same way for another year? What about five or ten? Your other choice is to be a cake eater, in which case, you need to still put an effort into your M or H will find out. If that is your choice, I wish you luck, I couldn't do it.
Pisces
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