What do you make of this?
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| Mon, 12-15-2003 - 1:59pm |
The OM and I knew each other previously. Ironically, we hated each other back then. However, OM has changed quite a bit since then and has revealed a softer side of himself to me that I find very endearing. I began feeling very attracted to him soon after we began communicating. I never contemplated an A, but I enjoyed flirting with him in hopes I excited him as much as he excited me. He lived out of town and had a girlfriend, so I never felt too worried that the situation would get out of control. In fact, I told him that I was simply interested in him as a "side interest" and had no desire to take the place of his girlfriend.
However, I also experienced a tremendous amount of guilt because I had never even contemplated being unfaithful to H before. I tried to cut off communications with him several times. He complied but I always broke down and re-established contact again and again. The last time I re-established communication was just a very cool, but friendly e-mail telling him about my new maternal status. I actually hoped that might keep things cool between us, but strangely enough, it has had just the opposite effect. He said that he became very strongly attracted to me at that point.
I broke that news to him about 4 months ago. He has sinced moved back to town and has a new job just minutes from mine. He has become very consumed with me and has stated many times about what a wonderful husband and father he would be. I love him, but I have no intention of leaving H. I even tried to cool him down by telling him that I have no immediate plans for D and also would not feel right about being intimate with him for at least a year due to my present condition. He is perfectly fine with that. I am floored and don't know quite what to do about him. He seems like the man that any woman would want, but I still only see him as a side interest. I have tried to be very honest with him about my doubts of this A developing into a LTR, but he just wants to live in a dream world. I've tried to encourage him to look for someone else that is available, but he just wants to wait for me. I don't want to be cruel and string him along just so I can enjoy his company, but I also can't seem to get him to face reality and move on either.

you MUST make SM understand that you are not serious about him. and in order to convince him, you'll have to stop contact with SM after "the talk" or this R will just get way more complicated than you want to deal with right now, what with the new baby on the way and your ambivalence about SM to boot.
be brutally honest, discontinue your "side interest" and concentrate on that baby, your other child and your M. it's hard to raise two children alone if you let your M go down the drain over some SM you really have no interest in! i hope you consider the "big picture" of your future and realize the direction you should be going.
that's just my opinion.
good luck,
gurl
good luck honey,
gurl