What do you think about this???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
What do you think about this???
3
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 3:24pm

Okay, my AP said the strangest thing to me today:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2007
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 1:23am

Well it's certainly unconventional but I applaude his plan to come clean.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 9:32am

Acceptance from his W is not going to give AP what he wants, which is acceptance from society. I, too, applaud his desire to be honest with his W, and I also hope that he handles the conversation with sensitivity and dignity, and he gives his W a great deal of respect while he explains to her his plan. Because he should have a plan - how he will be sensitive to her needs, how he will afford her dignity throughout the A, and how he plans to field the million questions that will be coming at him from others when the two of you go public.


But here is my concern: this is not just about AP - this is about you too, and it affects you. The world around you will not likely accept this A even if his W does. The world around you - family, friends, complete strangers - will still judge you and AP. You are the woman who is having an A with the H of a disabled woman. That will be the judgement of those around you. You will be regarded as doing the unthinkable, and with a W who is already - literally - handicapped to compete with you. Someone who quite practically needs H. I hope AP doesn't expect people to give him a pat on the back for staying with W

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 10:54pm
Thanks for the responses. I was also thinking about the fallout from the public. I talked to him tonight about it and told him it wasn't such a good idea. I think he's really worried about me being single and able to date. We love each other, but honestly I won't wait around forever and I think he knows that. He's just trying to hold on. But, when it comes down to it she's not going to give him permission. Ugh! This is so hard, but I wouldn't love him as much as I do if he wasn't such a caring guy and only thought about himself.