What do you think about this......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
What do you think about this......
24
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 10:37am
Okay so I was with HIM the other night and we were having sex and then his GF called in the middle of it. But actually when she called, he was not IN me. But when she was talking to him for the short time this call went on, he was just kind of like uh huh, etc. cuz we were kind of ya know, busy? All of a sudden then, he whispered to me, to put it in. I'm like what? Um okay so I went about it and there we were ya know, doing it. Well she was going on talking about her class she was coming out of and she asked him what he was up to/doing etc. and he's said, "oh i'm hanging out w/ Tammy. We're going to go here and there or whatever" he said." It was like once SHE heard MY name she goes, "Oh (like a greaaat kind of thing)." And I could hear this whole conversation. I'm thinking to myself at the time, OMG this is crazy lol.

So at the end of the night, i said to him that he was bad for doing that (being saracstic) and he's like well we were inthe position, might as well have fun w/it right?

I'm like uhh yea.

So question is.......has anyone been in that situation in your A or do you have any comments? I think it's crazy. It may offend some of you , and i apologize in advance.

Thx

Tammy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 10:41am
Well, not that exact situation since MM and I aren't physical yet, but I have been around when he's been on the phone with W and I always avoid looking at him. Sometimes he'll give me a certain steamy look when he's on the phone with her and it surprises me, but most of the time when he's talking to her, he behaves. It would just be too weird. And I certainly don't misbehave with him when I'm on the phone with H. The guilt would just be too much... It's almost as if hearing the other person's voice snaps you back to reality a little.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 10:49am
Lilah

Yea I hear ya. It was sooooo weird though ! Cuz I was like OMG what are we doing? And he's been with this woman for six years ( they arent married either ) and its like geez she was just like yacking away and he was like uh huh and blowing her off. But anyway - you know what. I posted something too positive about this situation in the ENDING AN AFFAIR BOARD and two girls in there jumped my bones about it. I was like geez oops my bad. Wrong board...............


Tammylee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 1:07pm
Well, since you asked - I think it's kind of yucky. It's kind of like, let's prove to ourselves just how much we can disrespect her. I would be asking myself, is he going to do the same thing to me one day?

OTOH, EMAs are by their nature disrespectful, so I guess it's a matter of taste. I think it's in bad taste. (Don't forget - you asked, "what do you think about this?")

When OM and I are *really* in the middle of something, the cell phones are off. If they are on, we stop what we're doing to talk to our spouses and finish the call quickly. We respect that spouses come first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 1:41pm
Hey Tammy.. are you married and is he married? Is this guy your H?? I apologize for the confusion, it's just that you said his GF called.


Either way...that was just really skanky on his part. He was getting a cheap thrill out of that situation and he's a friggin' pig for doing that. It was disrespectful to you. The least he could do was either leave the room while on the phone or call her back. ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT HE DID!!! WHAT A FREAKIN PIG!!! I mean, unless you like that kind of thing, but from the sounds of it I don't think you do. It all depends on how you felt about it at the time. I'm sorry to sound so harsh and I hope I didn't offend you, it's just my opinion on him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 09-19-2003 - 3:29pm
I think for some people the thrill is in the affair itself. There's an excitement in doing something they aren't supposed to be doing. Do you think maybe that's why he did it? I don't know... I guess as long as you enjoy it and don't expect anything out of the relationship than just really hot sex, no harm done. But if you care about this guy, I think I'd be hurt that he could talk to her while he was with you in that way. The women on the Ending board are really hurting after ending relationships, some that were very deep and meaningful. You have to keep in mind that's where they are coming from. Kind of like a newlywed posting about how great marriage is on a board where a bunch of women have just had bitter divorces. I was over there earlier and someone was commenting how she came over here to read some posts and just wanted to scoop us all up and rescue us. She sounded like she could really see the harm that lies ahead for all of us. Part of me wanted to hear more...to know what advice she would give me if I posted over there. I'm sure it would be, "Get out NOW while you can," which is actually the same advice I'd give myself. I guess something about her post made me think maybe she's reading my posts and seeing something about my future that I can't see. Like a psychic or something, which she's not, but still... If I could see two months down the road and see myself crying and hurt by this guy, would I get out or would I just enjoy the next two months anyway? Sorry I'm rambling... I do that sometimes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 11:16am
Have I ever been in that situation in my A?---NO!

My comments?---YUCK!

I am not trying to sound rude, but you had to know when you posted this what the response would be.

This guys sounds like a real pig.

JMHO

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 1:40pm
Hmmm....interesting. To be honest, it sounds like he was enjoying having his cake and eating it too. My former MM and I would excuse ourselves if our SO called while we were together; whether that was for our sakes or our SO sakes, I'm not sure. I apologize I don't know your entire situation, but from this post that's my take on it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 7:22pm
Hi tammy,

You asked and we answered... MM and I usually get together during a working day... in which he will get away from work and come and see me... because of this, he has to make up stories and will then divert his work phone to his mobile... and it is always left on.

Most times I can say... we are very lucky and the phone never rings... but there are days when it does... of course he will answer it... whatever we are doing... he has too. Most times it's been work collegues ringing him at work... and he quickly gets rid of them. I must admit... when I know it's just work... I have naughty thoughts of going up to him... but have always held back... I'm pretty sure that MM wouldn't mind... but I've not had the courage to do that yet.

However! if it was his wife... which has only happened once... he will get up and walk out of the room... and I would never even think of following him... that conversation is between them and it's private. The same goes for me and DH... if he happens to ring home during the day... more often than not I will let the machine pick it up... but if it's late and I have to answer it to not make things suspicious... I will walk away from MM... the conversation is between me and DH.

I think respect was mentioned somewhere in a few replies... and I really think that's what it's all about... if he was talking with his partner... if he has none... at least you should have a bit of respect and just walk away till he's finished.

Just my opinion though

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 9:41am
I had something interesting happen Friday, after I'd been reading this thread, actually. MM came to see me and we were having a great conversation, then his cell phone rang. It was W. Because of what I'd read here, I immediately turned my attention to my computer and absorbed myself in work while he talked. I felt like he needed his space to talk to her; it was, after all, the respectful thing to do. Every now and then I'd look at him, but I could tell he was trying to give his full attention to W. At the end of the conversation, there was still a few minutes left before he had to leave for the day. I tried to kind of resume the flirtatious nature of our conversation before it, but he was completely not there. W calls all the time when we're talking and normally it doesn't have that affect on him, but this time, it's like just talking to her activated his guilt gland. I left here annoyed at the way his treatment of me goes back and forth from hot to cold and back to hot again, but when I really thought about it, I couldn't help wondering if the phone call was to blame. I saw him at the gym Saturday morning and he seemed back to normal, but today's a Monday and those usually aren't good. After he's spent the whole weekend with the family, he usually comes back feeling "strong," and that means he'll treat me like a friend but no more. Does anyone else experience MM being pulled away after contact with his wife like this??? Does he ever act differently after W calls?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 10:23am
Lilah? Why do you want to be in a hot and cold relationship? Why do you want to be in a relationship with a man whose "strength" means the ability to resist you?! Why not be in a relationship with someone who is really enthusiastic about your relationship?

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