What do YOU think this board needs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
What do YOU think this board needs?
31
Fri, 04-03-2009 - 6:56pm

Part of the reason I wanted to return as cl of this board is because I started worrying that this place that meant so much to me was in danger of slipping away. I am not the only one. Some of my closest friends (the ones I made here, BTW) had the same feelings.

It is pretty obvious that there a lot of you out there still lurking, just given what I have seen in the last two days. Lots of posters turned lurkers popping up to say, "yep, still here!" I am sure you all remember what this place meant for you and how much help and comfort you got from being here. I don't want to have a discussion about what support means, we have done that. I want to know why some very knowledgeable people no longer want to give their support or share their experiences. I know, from being a cl before, it does get hard to see the same train wreck over and over again, but then I remember: I was once the train wreck. All of us who post here were. (Sorry to so blatantly steal from you, Mrs. but you said that well).

So, regardless of what your brand of support is (for those curious, mine is straight to the point with a very low tolerance for b*ll s**t), I think we all have something to offer. Especially for that new person who comes in, scared, confused and needing the shoulder of people in the same situation as well as those of us who have already ridden the roller coaster a few times.

While there are a lot of lurkers out there who used to post regularly, I also know there are a lot of lurkers who have, for one reason or another, not felt comfortable posting their own stories. I hope that someday you will feel comfortable enough to post (I still remember how nervous I was when I hit "post message" for the first time).

So, help me out. Give me suggestions for breathing some life back into an old friend. Differing opinions and all. After all, the differences in us all have always been what made this place so great.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2009
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 7:36pm

I agree... this is not a "fix" me board or "I need advice" board, although people will sometimes ask for advice, which is understandable.

maystone
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Sun, 04-05-2009 - 9:44pm

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no not you. in fact, i said (b) was reasonable advice. so did anyone in this thread say or imply a bunch of angry people should tell you you're not being "supportive" or not following the "terms of service" or copying and pasting the TOS to "put you in my place"? i usually see that reserved for posters who have "come out of the fog" with the end of their affairs and don't fit the concept of peers anymore: they reject the basic premise that all affairs are not the same and that sometimes good people make bad decisions.

but really isn't the response up to the person you posted to? and if someone has to tiptoe, should that be the newbie or should that be someone who already knows how this works? is the board supposed to benefit the people giving advice or the people who need it?

I'd be interested in your thoughts on that.
Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 3:42am

well kept holding back with my thoughts but i think we all do need to speak if we beleive that we can better the board for ourselves and others that have a need to come here for whatever reasons concerning their A.


I do agree with a lot of points May and Mrs are putting forward. I see many of disputes on the threads regarding the way people respond to the posters. Some beleive in the 'tough say it how it is' approach other in the more 'i understand where your comming from....' approach. At the end of the day we dont know how receptive the posters may be to the harsher approaches as we dont know how many would prefer to hear it how it is. I beleive their is one major issue and its the presumption in some of the replies that eg. because ap did this or said that then its going to mean this so run.....etc.


Why not just have a sub-folder for the

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 7:14am

great suggestion.

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 8:06am

I'm not sure I know what this board needs, but I definitely know why I don't post as often as I used to or even lurk as often as I used to...........because I can't stand all the complaining and whining about people expressing their opinions or trying to help.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 9:55am

agree with some of the things you have said. As for people being grown men and women that come here then we should all know whats best for us, but then their wouldnt be a need for such a place as this. Its not how old we are, or what we are going through, emotions are what carry many a people and no matter we are all capable of hurting, and feeling pain. Its not about treating someone with kid gloves, its about putting across a point which any given person feels that is helpful to the poster

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:26am

maybe i'm using the wrong search terms, but i only found one reference to "guidelines" or "TOS" since January 1 on this board. there were more about being "judgmental" or "unsupportive" - like two (it would help if we all spelled the same). most of the posts were people complaining about being reminded of guidelines or called unsupportive.

how often does this really happen? are some posters being overly sensitive in the other direction?

it's nice for you if you have a thick skin. not everyone does. it's nice for you that you have someone IRL who you can talk to about your A. not everyone does. she discouraged you but you did it anyway. usually when someone says "I'm thinking of an affair" they get the standard line from MAS: don't do it. in almost 4 years i recall maybe one poster that said "go for it." if your friend had a do-over and it meant not being with her current H, would she still forego the A?

but more importantly, i still want to know: is it more important to MAS to be careful with newbies who are sensitive or to provide a place where experienced hardliners don't have to tiptoe? because frankly, my research indicates that those newbies are gone. as well as other posters who are uncomfortable with the tone and being compared to crackheads.

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 10:40am

Hey SS.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 11:05am

Yes, I do think some posters are being over-sensitive.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 1:36pm

Okay, we beat one horse to death.

Are there other suggestions for our fearless leader?

i'm hoping this thread doesn't die before Shad gets her questions answered.

Mrs.