What do you, wise women out there, think

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
What do you, wise women out there, think
31
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 11:46am
Edited


Edited 4/26/2004 2:16 pm ET ET by boston53
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 2:42pm
i can't ever see where "loving them more than your own life" can be a good idea...its important we love ourselves first and foremost and be our own best friend...i'm all for deep love and commitment and bonding, but i find nothing healthy about being obsessed about a lover and feeling they should be our identity and whole world...in fact i'd go so far as to say most of us feel very uncomfortable having someone "love" us in that "more than our own life" way and i for one would not want a man to be dependant on me that way, that if i don't love him in return his life will be a "nitemare"...thats frightening to me and to most women (and men) i know.

just my point of view.

honey

    

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 2:43pm
No offense taken here! I think that Gurl is just trying to help you in seeing that no one should let another person in-gulf their entire life, thoughts and dreams. Thanks for the flowers, it's been a while since I've received some:) NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:12pm
no wait, i'm supposed to be a bada$$ ball-buster!! that's a meanie, right??!

seriously boston, i am only trying to help. but take all (and any!) advice with a grain of salt -- pick out what you need and trash the rest.

and thanks for the flowers! what color are they??

gurl




Edited 2/17/2004 3:30:50 PM ET by gurlfriend50
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:17pm
My goodness - so many different opinions here!

I, for one, know exactly what boston means when he says OW is his whole life. I'm sure many of you have had those same feelings at one time or another, you just don't realize it. I challenge anyone to tell me that they have never had that desperate feeling, that "blissful when together", and "sick when apart" feeling. I would step in front of a bullet for OM, and he would do the same for me. Haven't you ever felt that before? Knowing that he has those feelings for me is far from scary. He's still a big, strong man who has fear of very little - except of losing me. Scary? Hell no! I find the feeling very empowering. He rights all the wrongs in my life - just by being there. He makes me strong and gives me confidence because I know that no matter what happens, he will always love me.

Boston - don't give up. Your girl will come around, or she won't. You'll have to deal with whatever she decides whether you like it or not, as I'm sure you know. Waiting is tough, but try to keep in mind that nothing lasts forever - good or bad. Sooner or later you'll know what the future holds for you both. I hope you'll be happy with the outcome - whatever that is. Don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong for feeling the way you do! That's the beauty and the curse of love - you can't help how you feel, or who you feel it for! Hang in there, good luck!

Love,

Pheebs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:33pm
Boston53,

I wasn't suggesting couseling because I think there's something wrong with the way you're feeling, simply as one way to help you choose your *actions and responses to those feelings*. Your feelings are very valid, and you need no justification or explanation.

Please understand that your OW is entitled to the very same thing. She may feel scared that you have thrown your life at her feet. Who would want the responsibility of someone else's happiness?!! We all know that nobody can ever be responsible for anyone else's happiness or lack thereof, but feelings are not logical creatures, and her feelings are just as valid as yours.

You should not be ashamed. And for the record, I think you did the exact right thing by just holding her and stroking her hair while she cried it out. You're an amazing guy for just being there and not trying to "fix" everything right now. See? You're already ahead of the emotional power curve. Hang in there, man!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:33pm
Deep red long-stemmed roses. A huge bunch so that you can barely hold it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:36pm
Why do you guys think handing someone a bunch of dying plants is a good thing? Oh, wait, it must be like when your cat brings you a "present".

Sorry, just gotta be me.

You're a sweet guy, boston53.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:43pm
yummmmmm, and the thorns have been taken off and there's big red bow around that great big bunch too! i can just see them!!

and i'm sending you yellow roses as a friendly gesture to make up for being that bada$$ ball-breakin' chick!!

love ya, boston!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:44pm
Isn't anybody going to say, "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns"??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 3:45pm
GIRL, I'M LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF OVER HERE!!!

dying plants and all!!

gotta love ya,

gurl