what does that mean?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
what does that mean?
6
Sat, 10-11-2003 - 12:34am
The other day me and my MM were talking on the phone, and we were just having a general conversation that turned into talking about our relationship and i made the comment to him that i was tired of sharing with the wife and he said " i know" and that he was tired of sharing me with my husband. Granted, MM has never told me he loves me, why u asked, well i believe he is scared that im going to hurt him like his wife has done in the marriage, but i have said it to him. Anyways, i told him that one day we were going to have to make choices about our relationship and he agreed, he said he is trying to figure out how it will work with us, so he went out of town to think about everything, and honestly he is now opening up to me more and more. He said he does trust me that im not sleeping with husband, if he really knew i was just to keep my husband from being curious, i think MM would be angry at me and that would probably be the end for us, i hate that im lieing to MM but i am not having sex with husband b/c i want to, it's more of covering up so he doesnt suspect anything, should i just come clean and tell him, or just let MM think that i am not being intimate with husband. I always get good advice from you ladies and i need some again, thanks for your time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 3:12pm
He needs to know you're still having sex with DH. Why would he expect you not to? I'm sure he is w/DW. Do you two have plans to end your M's and get together permenantly? I don't think I understand how your relationship is set up. What ground rules do you 2 have? Remember it is an EMA and an EMA is something "EXTRA", in addition to, icing on the cake, gravy, etc....

I know that sounds really bad, but I was trying to make a point.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 1:36am
thanks for your response to my email. Well for some reason my MM doesnt think i am having sex with DH, i dont know where he got that idea from anyway, he has told me that he is not intimate with the wife, which is really hard for me to swallow b/c he's a guy and face it they have to have sex period. My MM and i have talked about our marriages and we both agree that we are not happy with our situations. When we first started our ema we made rules up like dont call each other ever, and there were some more but now the rules have went out the window and we have broken every one. We both went into our ema looking for a relationship, a bond it has never been about the sex well not on my side anyway. I just know that if MM found out i was doing the deed with husband, he would feel like i cheated on him b/c he has made the comment that if i got a sex toy than he wouldnt consider it cheating but if i was sleeping with H than he wouldnt be able to be intimate with me anymore. I just dont see how he can be jealous or act this way, when MM hasnt even told me he loves me and it's been almost 9mths since we started this ema. I really need some advice, thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 8:52am
I agree that an EMA should be icing on the cake...your EMA partner should never expect that you don't engage in sexual activities with your spouse. He may in fact not be shaggin his wife because women's needs are much different. But I guarentee you that if he's not, she's suspicious because that's a red flag for sure...

I have always known my OM is intimate with his fiance but I just prefer not to think about it, AT ALL...I recently found out she was pregnant and to me, that was like hitting a brick wall because reality hit me that he in fact has sex with someone other than me...but realistically it wouldnt and shouldnt be any other way...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 10:43am
Hey...i'd have to agree...i don't understand the dynamics of the relationship. My mm and i both have s with our spouces...I hate the idea and i don't want to hear about it, but i do have to accept it.

It is very true that holding out is a HUGE red flag. I know that i worry cuz my mm doesn't really go to his w for s, she comes to him and half the time he isn't in the mood. So its few and far between...but through conversation....they still have a decent sex life and it would be naive of me to think any different. In fact, I am certain it is way more frequently than i am led to believe. Honestly.

I just don't see where he has the right to ask you not to have s with your h. Do you feel you are entitled to ask him not to have s with the w? I think you really need to talk to him about this. As much as it may suck to have this scenerio....it is one that all parties need to be honest about.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 11:34am
Georgia,

I think something may be wrong w/your MM. You are MARRIED, you are expected to have sex w/DH!!

You've been together for 9 months and he hasn't told you that he loves you, BUT he expects you NOT to have sex w/your own DH. What's wrong w/this picture?

My A started in July, we haven't had sex yet, and MM has told me that he loves me. Just yesterday he told me that he was wrapped around my little finger and that I occupied a huge part of his heart.

I use my A as an example because I think your MM is being unfairly selfish with you. Re-evaluate your situation and your relationship.

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 1:33pm
Thanks ladies for responding to my post, i know it's really confusing, it's like he doesnt realize that it's just a EMA. I guess he wants me all to his self. He tells me that he doesnt even like his wife because she trapped him by getting pregnant, he didnt even get married in a church,they got hitched at the courthouse. I dont know if their parents had something to do with the rushing of marriage but i do know that his marriage is on the rocks because i have a friend who still goes and visits my MM when he's in town and he tells me that they dont even talk to each other. I have mentioned to MM that it was really hard for me to think that they arent having sex, b/c if i was the w and my husband didnt wont to sleep with me than yea of course i would be suspicious. He did say that she does think he is seeing someone but she doesnt know who and she has no proof, but my MM thinks that she is also cheating too. Our easy, simple ema is now turned into a river of emotions and feelings and i have fallen so hard in love with MM. I am starting to get jealous of the w since she gets to see him all the time and i dont but every other week. Im starting to think that maybe i should end it before i get hurt. I am not mad at MM for wanting me not to have sex with H, i am no longer attractive to my H and this was even before MM came into my life. I feel like i dont love my H anymore, and i know if i leave him, it will be for me not for mm. I think maybe MM looks at me as a girlfriend and not his affair partner, that's the only thing i can think of for him feeling this way. The only thing that upsets me with the whole issue is MM hasnt said he loves me and this is been going on awhile, and then he just wants me to not have sex with H and wait on him until i can get my sexual desire fulfilled. I have tried talking to MM about our relationship but he just closes up and changes the subject. I know that our relationship is more than just sex, b/c after all the obstacles we have faced like my H finding out about ema, i thought MM would get scared and run but he didnt. So does that sound like MM really does loves me and he just is too damn scared and macho to open up about how he feels . I sent MM a page letter to his email, basically telling him that he is not being fair to me, and that maybe i thought i could handle a EMA but my emotions and feelings are getting to me. Well, if anyone has any advice or suggestions, i am ready to hear about them. later