what does an A say about my marriage..
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what does an A say about my marriage..
| Wed, 10-08-2003 - 10:59am |
I'm so confused about the feelings I have for my H right now. If I really loved him would I be so involved with another man?

I know its hard. There are times that many of us go through the questioning, guilt and so on. I don't know much about your situation but I can offer advice or support based on my own.
Personally my affair just started out of the blue. I thought I was happy with my marriage and couldn't ask for more. Then one day, there he was, MM, we shared time laughing and talking and I found myself drawn to him. But I marked it up to attraction, nothing more. After all I was married, to go there was against my marriage and who I am.
But as time went on the attraction grew, then one day he just placed his hand on my thigh while he was giving me support about a serious family situation. There I was feeling so lost and helpless and with one touch from him I felt so calm, comforted, and loved.
One day while sharing lunch he just looked at me while I was speaking with a few others and I noticed it and looked back at him, his smile was unlike anything I had seen before and that smile of his brought one to my face as well. Later he just came up from behind me and whispered "has anyone told you just how amazing you are" and my heart skipped a beat and I got goosebumps. That day we shared our first kiss.
Its been a long hard road, and its not easy. Recently I started a thread about my situation, and it was nice to hear that I am not alone, which I never thought I was really. There are days when I spend time with my husband and we laugh and kiss, and the guilt is deep within me and I feel like crying. But on the other hand there are days that MM and I joke about taking a business cruise and falling over board and finding a deserted island for us to live on so we can be together for a long time and not hurt anyone. There are times I try to "escape" from it all, especially when away on business. And I lay awake thinking, OK this is wrong, I have to end this now. But I can't. Why, because MM is a part of me, something that makes me whole and makes me feel WONDERFUL.
The last few days have taught me a few things, for one, I love my husband dearly and I know he loves me, for two, I love my MM as well, and he loves me. Where H is not one to communicate well or share the same interests, MM is. Its not right, to fall in love with two men, especially when you want to have your cake and eat it too. But it happens, and if you go into the A realizing this, and honest with YOURSELF, it can all work out.
Love, friendship and attraction are not things that we can dictate, turn off or on. Its realizing that and dealing with it the best way you know.
Sweettendencies
And I must also add, that some people may have a wonderful home life and still decide to cheat.
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TA
And some people really do have bad marriages, and they cheat.
And some people truly have great marriages. And they cheat.
Bottom line is, I think people behave in the way they do for a multitude of very complicated and hopelessly intertwined reasons that are often impossible to pinpoint. An important relationship like a marriage certainly plays a role in that, whether it's defensible or not. Again, JMO.
Edited 10/8/2003 10:46:46 PM ET by wwwmommydotcom
Liberal
I don't believe cheating in your marriage defines what kind of person you are. It merely defines your life experiences, emotions, and so on. We are all human, we all make our own choices.
Sweettendencies