What does your Single OP get out of this
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What does your Single OP get out of this
| Thu, 05-13-2004 - 4:35pm |
For those of you involved with a single person with no attatchments, as I am, do you ever wonder what they are getting out of the relationship? The man I am involved with is all the things that I think women would find attractive, yet he has chosen to potentially "waste" 3 years of his life with me. I can't figure it out. Granted we are working on making this a permanent relationship now, but it hasn't always been that way.
What do you think?

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Also...because you've helped me so much...small update...I talked to OM yesterday for the first time in 2 months. We caught up with everything that has been happening. I've refrained from contacting him because I don't want to hurt him anymore. Especially since my marriage is so wonderful now, and I am truly happy with H. But he still reminded me...if ever H and I don't last...he wants a call ASAP. I told him...that I will never forget, and if we do end up divorcing eventually, he's #1 on my list to call. So he said goodbye for now...I'm sure I won't talk to you for several more months. I love and miss him, but as I said...I'm very happy with H. Things have never been better in that regard. I now wish I wouldn't have had the A, because I wish I didn't have to hurt either H or OM in this manner. Of H having a hard time with his self-esteem right now, and OM of just plain ole heartache. *sigh* well at least I know that I was blessed to have two great men in my life...how many can say that??
I know he gets jealous, and for all his bravado I can't believe it wouldn't hurt, at least a little, but he tells me all the time that once the divorce is final I'll want to go out with others, and that would be okay. That I should go and sow my oats, or whatever, but just keep him in my life. (Sometimes I wonder if he just assumes he's my 'transition guy' and that maybe he can't trust my feelings for him unless I've been out with others.)
The fact that I don't especially want to see others is moot. It's the bigger question of what any single person in an affair gets that I'm trying to answer. So I would think that for *others*, the single people in affairs, that this would be a huge draw for them.
Did this make sense??
Lucky
Makes sense to me. Since I am married, and obviously 'dating' and having sex with my husband, then my single guy can 'date' and have sex with another also. Neither one of us can or should care. If you look at it this way, as long as you keep it sex, and don't let emotions get involved, it really does not matter if you are married or single.
Hi. Thanks for replying to my question. You ask how I deal with the issue of my OM being with and/or dating other women. The answer to that is that I didn't deal with it very well! I don't know that he has dated a lot since we have been together over the past 3 years, but during the times that he did it tormented me. But knowing that he wasn't totally committed to me kept our relationship at a different level than it is now.
We decided around August that he would not be with any other women and he would wait on me until my marriage ended. At that point we were able to develop our relationship into a deeper more emotional one. Its pretty much the two of us now and I love it.
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