What is the dynamic of your Affair?
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| Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:52pm |
What is the dynamic of your affair? What brought you together? What continues to KEEP you together? What drew you to the person you're involved with? I'm not asking this to judge others (after all, I'm in an affair!) but moreso to see what my A is liked compared to others.
In my case, I'm 30 & my MM is a few months shy of 43...and to add to the equation, it's an interracial A (Me = AA/Him = Caucasian). We initially met through work (he was doing work for my firm) and later, after exchanging emails we became friendly with one another (not unusual for me as I have many male friends). Our talks later turned a little more intimate and after 3 1/2 months of chatting, but not seeing one another, we met for lunch. What was supposed to be an hour lunch turned into a 2 1/2 hour lunch and from there, we were hooked. A few more extended lunches, a night out listening to a live band eventually led to the two of us taking a day off from work and spending it together.....siteseeing first, lunch, and then wrapped up in one another's arms. This took place about 2 weeks ago.
This particular gent is attractive, intelligent, successful, and very easygoing. What made me decide to finally give myself to him (how lame does that sound? lol) was the fact that he stressed that despite our growing attraction, he still wanted to be friends first to further get to know each other before leading to that next step. I've never been the type to just give myself up to someone so to hear him say that further convinced me that I'd found a good match.
I think what continues to fuel our "relationship" is the fact that we were both very clear that our respective familial situations will always take priority over our involvement. We know that we have something special going on as far as our connectivity, but we also realize that I'm not his wife & he's not my husband. Of course, it's easy for me to say this now because our situation has only been going on since January, enough time for an emotional bond, but not nearly as long as some of you who have grown even closer to the person you're with. If he & I are still going strong in a few months, maybe I'll change my thoughts!
If you've made it this far.....thank you for indulging me. What's your story? Let's hear it! :)

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Right now it is - please let me know before you send the cops home so that I can prepare for it. You know send the kid away with the H... LOL I know you wanted a serious reply of a person in a real A, but I couldn't help but post about my reality. LOL. Sad isn't it?? I guess we all are affected by the choices we make all the time. My choice was to fall for a man whom in reality could never be anything to me. His was to reject me to for his own personal problems. So that is what right now determines the dynamic of our "A".
GF
We get together typically 1-2 times a month however we can.
dd
He was talking to my mother and sister and then later he approached me and we talked -
After a few hours talking I gave him my email address, the rest is history - found out he didn't live far from me and we met again and hit it off immediately -
He is 4 years younger than I am - The complete opposite of my H in looks and personality-
He treats me wonderfully - listens, offers support, strength, comfort, and sometimes an occasional 'get over yourself stop being pathetic' attitude that I feel a true friend offers -
We have been in our EMA for 2 years - he has a very demanding job that requires him to spend some time out of the country so we sometimes go for periods of 2 weeks to 2 months with NC - but when he comes home it's always just like he left ---
However as of lately it's been difficult because my MM is in limbo about the state of his M - I am trying to offer support and also step back a bit to let him take the path he feels he needs to take -
As far as what keeps us together it is definately our friendship, and the way he makes me feel I am the most important, beautiful, smart, needed, wanted, appreciated and adored woman in this world to him --- we truely respect each other in a way I have never known.
I have a connection with him that is undescribable
He and I are quite clear this is just an EMA - we giggle and make jokes about "if" we were married to each other but we know it's not going to happen anytime soon, if ever -
We like to keep things light and fun and enjoy each other because we don't have a lot of time to spend with each other -
I think I am more clear on this than he is - but he also says I tend to wear the "pants" in this R and I am the man...and he is the girlie girl (the emotional one) -
We laugh alot usually at each other's expense --- but it's wonderful to have that sort of person you can wrap your arms around and just allow yourself to be YOU ---
And he does just that --- makes me feel like ME and that I can breathe
Kikki
what a great topic !!! thanks for sharing
well mm and I met at work. We didn't get along great and I always looked at him as the type of person that wouldn't help anyone out if they needed it. He was airogent, and had an attitude. We even got into a few yelling matches. LOL..
Well we both put in for the same shift and worked together again. Well we started talking and getting to know each other better, and he started really flirting with me.
At work, the guys would read penthouse mag. and I loved them too! He would tell me that he wanted to do all those things with me. I was shocked. considering our past!! PLUS he just got married 4 mo. earlier. well I couldn't help myself. He was gorgous and he was turning me on. Plus, he made me feel good about myself knowing he was looking at me like that.
Well here we are 1 yr. and 4 mo. later still in our sex affair and going strong. The sex is incrediable and we do things that I never tried before.
I'm married too and Have a 4 1/2 yr. old dd.. We meet 1 - 2 times a week . I love our time together. I never want this to end. He says that I'm better than his wife and he wants me till he dies..LOL..
Well that's my story!!!
Chrissluver
GB2
Edited 5/18/2004 2:39 pm ET ET by goingbonkers2
Edited 5/18/2004 11:33 am ET ET by fantasyhere
What brought us together in the first place- the first time that is- is that we worked together when he was 19 and I was 23. We dated for over a year off and on, and then I got pregnant (by either him or another man). The other man (I'll call him 'V') was older (in his 30's) and secure, so I chose to stay with him. 'V' never knew about my first guy (OM) or the fact that the child I was carrying may not be his. I moved in with 'V', and my dd was born.
After my dd was born I continued to see OM off and on - no sex though - for about a year, then he and I decided to let things die off. So, 'V' and I stuck together... got married in 1999, and had another child in 2000. I never forgot about OM though....
In July of 2002 we were having severe marital problems, and as I couldn't get OM off my mind I wrote him to see how he was doing. We quickly ended up in a sexual affair.
In October of 2002 I became pregnant by either my husband or OM. So again, to try to do the 'right thing' I kept quiet about him, had my child, and am still married. Even at that point we tried to tell ourselves that we had been together just for the sex... but we continued to talk on the phone and visit throughout my pregnancy, and if anything became even CLOSER than we were when we were sleeping together!
SO- fast forward to today.... OM and I are still seeing each other. We haven't slept together again since October of 2002 (for now we just 'make out' like teenagers), but I know it won't be long before it happens again. We are very good friends, we talk on the phone or visit every day, and we have these two BIG SECRETS (possibly two children) between us that seem to force us to want to be together. My husband is a physically unavailable man (we haven't made love in over 7 months), yet we also are good friends and he is a good daddy to my children. It would break his heart if I left and took the kids, yet I am not ready to write off my OM.
I never believed that you could love two men equally- yet I am living it!
Welcome!!
My A started out in a very cold and calculated manner, I joined an internet sex site for married people who want to get into As. You can imagine what kind of guys are on there...but fate intervened somehow, and the first guy I agreed to meet in person was an MM who I considered "too old" (11 year age difference) to get involved with. I decided he would be my "trial run" in terms of blind-dating-for-an-affair. Well, I walked into the bar, and there he was, and BANG, ten minutes later we were laughing and having a wonderful time. He was like an old friend. But sexier. We finally left and he sent me a shy email saying "you're so pretty...even if I never see you again, I'll never forget that date..." But I was SO interested! So we went on another date, and another, and I thought, we met on a sex site! Is this dude EVER going to even kiss me?
It took a whole month to get into bed together. His reason was, we'd become such fast friends that, if I didn't like him as a lover, he would hate to lose the friendship over sex. The day after our first "night before", he called and asked me to join him for breakfast, and he looked so scared sitting in the restaurant. I sat down and he said, "So? Are we still a We?" and I said, "Hey, did you keep the hotel key? Cause checkout is not til 12:00!" (we hadn't spent the night).
It's nine months later now...we are still a we. I'm madly in love with him, and I think he considers me a close friend, primarily. It works well despite that difference in perspective. If I have my way, I will be this man's mistress for as long as he'll have me, and after that, his friend for life. We make each other happy. There has never been any issue of either person having any desire to leave their family situation (we're both happily married). It's a very warm, close, peaceful relationship. Which started on a seedy, sordid, awful internet site. He says it's fate, a needle in a haystack phenomenon. I just smile...
good luck to you!!!
barefootgirl
Well, where to begin. I met my om at work. Me a bartender him a customer. He would stop in almost on a daily basis and have one tall beer and it took him forever to drink it. I didn't realize at the time that he was attracted to me. Because I didn't even like his dry sense of humor or personality at all. Strange huh? Then one day he foung out that I like to play pool and that I have never eaten lobster before. SO, he continued to ask me to play some pool and eat lobster. Well, after months of him asking me I finally decided to go. Well, what A blas it was. And the lobster was GREAT! He continued to stop at my job and I would stay after work to have a beer or 2. And that was 6 months ago. And now we both laugh at how I didn't even pay him any attention. I guess I didn't realoze how much he had to offer mentally. He's a very strong,smart,supportive person. And I couldn't for a second think of my life with him not in it. He's my emotional cruthc, He helps me tlook at things from a different percpective. And has helped build my self-esteem to all time high. It's a great feeling. I'm so glad I gave him a chance. And I could see us being togehter for a long time once my marraige is finally over. One more hting he's a great cook!
Now that our relationship has come to the love level and that we now are very physical it's just a dream come true. He's a great lover and he's all about pleasing me. Now that's not what I"m use too. I'm getting excited thinking about it.
There's my story. I must get ready now time to go and shower for dinner!
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