what a funky week
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| Thu, 07-29-2010 - 11:38am |
Goobye fun AP... hello drama.
AP's life is in turmoil. He always has a lot of drama but wow...this time I really think he may actually leave her. They had a huge fight this weekend. He has never been happily married and the whole time a have know him it's been stressed with periods of normalcy. BUt those spans get shorter and shorter. They went on their trip together and I was so worried about him recommitting to her and ending us. Now I'm afraid in the opposite way. Staying in the action free middle with me is no longer an option I think.
I ask him if we are cool and he said yeah (both times actually) I ask for the details and they are bad. He is so angry. So much for the facebook warm fuzzies...you guys were so right about that!! he is going away alone this weekend to his parents to think. He ask that I give him this week/weekend and Monday to make some decisions and go to the last therapy session. Yesterday he said I we'll grab lunch early next week. So here I sit again bracing myself for whatever happens. I know he's not thinking about us,,that seems so trivial. But you can bet I am.
Yesterday I asked him where his head is and he said he "waffles betwwen just sucking it up and pretending he's happy at home to God I hate that b!tch!!" He has never said anything like that to me about her. Not even close.
I don't know what this means for us. If he stays it will be a constant pattern for us and them. If he goes...who knows. Then that brings on a whole series of drama. I want to be a good friend and support but not sure I have the strength. I wore myself out in June worrying about him. I'll hang in as long as he stays in contact with me. Hope that he needs me. Lay low otherwise.
Never easy is it?
sigh......thank GOD I started back on Zoloft a few weeks ago. I swear that's the only thing that could be giving me this kind of patience.

Maybe HE needs some zoloft Chechi?
Yikes, I'm sorry he's going through all that! Yes you are his friend so help him however you can. Worry about the "affair dynamics" changing later. For now just hold his hand when he wants you to and let him rant when he wants. Don't know what else to say! I hope everything works out for the best - whatever that may be.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
its a good idea to be there for him as a friend. cause you cant be lovers w/o being friends.
Thanks all,
I'll be there for him, no doubt. He's one of my best friends and I think I'm one of his. BUt it is hard to watch him and his emotions swing so wildly. We have still talked everyday and he tells me that he does appreciate me being there for him. I said as long as we're OK, I'm OK. And he said absolutely we're ok. So I am OK, OK? LOL
JJ, I do have a pretty drama free life! I always say my only drama is him! Honestly, I could not deal with the volatility that he does at home. She sounds just so mean!! He says they have no compatibility at all, on any level. Thing is she's living my life 10 years ago. (I'm older than they are) I wish I could talk to her. BUt he says even if we were friends she would never listen, that she is absolutely ungrateful. Anyway....My life is pretty cushy and H and I always get along and laugh a lot. I wish we had the same sexual background, or libido or chemistry that I crave. But still I know I'll never leave him. I hope that AP figures it out soon...for his own sake whether I'm still in the picture or not. I'm not ready to let him go and not sure what will come of all this. It would be easier if he stayed, but MY gut says that he should go. They are not right together and it's really only a matter of time before the kids are grown and she leaves him. SHe is really using him. Ugh...what do I know?.his side only.
Rambling.
Anyway, he is gone now for a long weekend at the parents. They haven't seen each other all week. In my mind I'm trying to tell myself that things will change and that they may never be the same again. Although I know it's not over yet, I am in a way pretending it is. Leaning way back and letting him come to me, if he can, when he can. We signed off yesterday with a nice phone call and to tell the truth I'm a little lighter knowing I won't hear from him until probably Tuesday. I'm getting so much done!! And have a fun family weekend planned. Wouldn't it be nice to get used to that feeling instead? Haha! Keep you all posted.
Anyone here with a MM that became S? What should I be bracing for?
Chechi