What Is Going On?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2008
What Is Going On?
2
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 1:52pm

Ok I was here ranting about how wonderful everything was going with my ap, we are in our third week.

My husband and I have decided to do a trial separation until after christmas, it's a weird situation but it will work for us, at least that is what I'm hoping for. My ap asked how my weekend was, well the part of it that didn't include him lol which was just sunday and I told him what happened. I know that he has a busy day, he is tired from not sleeping too much since he was really busy this weekend but he seems distant now. I asked him if our thing was still ok even though I'm in this separation and he said it was but he did admit to feeling a little guilt even though our problems and the reason for the trial separation has nothing to do with him. I asked him about a day to see him this week, which we had talked about on sat. but he never said yes, no or even maybe he just ignores it all together as if I hadn't asked.

I'm going a little crazy here lol I'm thinking that it's everything, he is busy, tired and trying to process what is happening with me and my husband. I told him I don't want anything except what we've been having and he said that it never even entered his mind that I wanted anything else which I was happy that he at least knew me that well.

What do you think is going on?

Maybe I should just wait it out a day or two and see if things get back to normal with him and I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2006
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 3:42pm
Let him get used to the idea. He will probably think that you will now want more, even if you tell him you don't.He may also think you will press him for more time together.Or pressure him into leaving as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 4:12pm

Hi mommy,

Well, it sounds like you are in the same sort of situation as I was a year ago. I will admit that I realized that I had fallen in love with my AP and so made steps to leave my H. Everybody says not to leave for AP but leave for yourself...easier said than done. So, my H moved out for what started out to be a trial separation but has turned into steps toward divorce. Not only did he move out but he moved completely out of province! That really is no way to try and work things out. And besides, AP/BF is still VERY much in the picture and u just can't give a M a chance while still embroiled in an A.

Anyhow, AP/BF was a little cagey the first six months or so..he'd come on strong then back away. We've never discussed where the R is headed, I'm just taking it day by day. It's a very strange situation. He is still at home with his W (I don't ask questions because I don't want to know). What I do know is that he spends almost all of his time with me so how can he be spending any time with her? We've never said that we're going to end up together although honestly? That is what I want in my heart of hearts...and he knows it. He's finally got through that "processing" stage and he let me know, just yesterday actually, that sometimes he worries that I have regrets about the choice I made to leave my M and be with him...and he's happy that I don't (have any regrets).

Do you want to stay in your M and make it work? I think if that's what you want, you're going to have to say goodbye to your AP...it's just not fair to your H, KWIM? I knew that I was crazy in love with my AP and so when we separated...I knew that it was the beginning of the end for us. I have gone so far with AP that even if I changed my mind now, I highly doubt H would let me back. Just something to keep in mind.

Don't know if this helped or anything but I had to tell you I know how you're feeling right now.

benska