What is up with this guy?
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| Fri, 01-23-2004 - 10:56pm |
young kids, I have a pretty good husband, nice looking, good with kids,
doesn't make big bucks but we do okay, he is very easy-going. I am a
control freak and run the house, money, everything, you name it. Problem
is, I have been having affairs since practically day one of our marriage off
and on, 2 yr. break when I had the kids. I have never wanted to leave my
husband for any of these guys and most of the time pick ones that aren't
even that goodlooking cause then I may fall for them.
My latest (4 months) has been a complete nightmare, not fun at all like my other ones. He has been a real challenge.... once he knew he got me. He picked me out, pestered me until I gave in. He is 12 yrs. older than me, we work in the same department. He is very controlling and tells me all the time that I can't control this relationship and that I am a spoiled brat etc. I am sorta trying to end it with him but something in me won't let it go, but then again he won't let me let it go when I have tried numerous times to tell him I am done with the b.s. BUT we have not been together since early December, just haven't been able to get together cause most of the time it is stupid times of the night when I can't get out but he can. I wanted to get your opinion of what you think this guy is like cause he sometimes can be so mean in the way he calls me spoiled and controlling which I am but in my opinion so is he. He cuts me off on the phone alot cause he is busy, doesn't call back but then gets worried when I "give up" and then he starts trying again.
He got caught cheating about 14 yrs. ago and has not since then (I really do believe him) he is being REALLY careful - to the point of too careful so its not fun at all. If he got caught she would divorce him probably. I don't want this guy as anything more than some "fun" so I don't want him to get caught, that would be terrible for him. I think I have sorta fallen for him cause I am always crying over him. The reason why I do not "want" him if both our marriages ever crumbled is because he is so controlling and we would clash big time cause I am not used to someone being that way. My husband has no ambition and I am used to being in control so of course, me being that way, I am trying to control this affair and he won't let me and plays these stupid games to as he says "teach me lessons that I can't control this relationship". I have much more freedom than him so I get really frustrated when he can't meet me at safer times of the night. I hate the way I am. I know I sound terrible to you but I really am a good mom otherwise, and a good wife even though what I am doing is very bad. My husband and I still have sex quite a bit, he always wants it. But for me the passion is gone, stupid excuse but true.
Sometimes my married man says really nice things to me and then I am confused again. What do you think about this comment he said once when he was teasing me about being spoiled and controlling, he said "a couple of years with me and I will straighten you out" do you think he meant that he wants this affair to last that long? also, he always wants me to tell him that he is the best lover I have had and always asks me if he is better than that guy I had a 2 yr. affair with (I tell him about that other guy once in awile and how good that guy and nice etc.) He always wants me to compare that guy with him. It seems like he is competing to be the best one I have had, what an ego boost I guess for him. He is sorta cute looking but out of shape, 46 yrs. old, not that tall and yet their is something about him that drives me bonkers and it can't be his looks and his personality kinda sucks so what is going on, why can't I just be casual with him and not be so possessive. Oh ya and a few weeks ago I went into his office, closed the door and asked him to be totally honest with me cause he was ignoring me and not calling for awile, if he wanted to still "do this" and I was really nice about it and casual like I didn't really care if he said it was over but all he kept saying was "I am fine with this" and I told him and I was not going to throw myself at him anymore and he said "you don't have to do that anyways" and I said again.... "just please be honest, just tell me if you can't handle it" and all he kept saying was "I am fine with this" and then he went on about what his problem was lately and once again it was about his son and he doesn't want me involved with it and he has been miserable at home cause of his son lately and that it is not fair to me to be brought into his problems. Then I just said one little comment, not even advice, just a comment about his son and he said "I don't need your advice" what is up with him, geez. He is mad at his son cause his son keeps getting these offers to play this sport that he is good in elsewhere with education included (he is 17) and keeps turning down offers and not phoning people back cause he is in love for the first time and my married man hates his girlfriend and blames her for his son not going to these places to play this sport. That is what is bothering him at home. Anyways, all I said to him is "aren't they kinda young to be so serious" and I guess I hit a nerve cause then he said that comment about "not needing my advice". He can be so mean.
One night he picked a fight with his wife and tore out of the house cause he knew I was out and available to meet him if he could get out. We had a great time that night and both of us got home REALLY LATE. That whole week at work he kept asking me if I got in trouble and I didn't so he was relieved but I think he lied when he said he didn't get in trouble I hate that he risked that for me that night but wow, what a night and he was so nice that night, except when he got kinda weird and was always trying to watch me go pee!!! Is that a control thing or do you think he is acting too "husbandly?" I walked in on him once going pee and was mortied and he thought that was just great, god guys are weird. And on the way home that night in the cab, he was so sweet. I know sometimes when I see him at work he has a real "love" look on his face but then turns right around the next day and either ignores me or cuts me off on the phone, what is up with him?

The MM sounds like it is about POWER and EGO for him , it will end when he says so and not before.
The head games he is playing with you are fairly standard for his personality type
You seem to be hooked by the fact that he has a strong will and you cannot control him unlike your husband who seems weaker then you.
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