What has their SO done to them?
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| Tue, 06-01-2004 - 9:43am |
Last week went I met my MM for lunch we were talking about our kids (favorite topic) and he said he dreads the day his child is embarrassed by him because of his thinning hair and hairy arms. I said, "What are you talking about?" He added, "Well I'm not exactly Johnny Depp, I think they will be embarrassed to be seen with me when they are teens. I'll have even less hair on my head, way too much hair on my arms, I'm not buff...you know." I almost fell off the chair! I told him all teens are embarrassed by their parents and I honestly felt he is very handsome.
I just sat there and though, "OMG he must be kidding! This is a handsome man!" But I watched his mannerisms, and he is someone who is not comfortable with his appearance. He always wears long sleeves to cover up his arms, which are no hairier then anyother adult male, and will run his fingers through the top of his hair.
Looking at this man, I see someone who I find to be very handsome, tall and lean, patrician bone structure in his face, warm boyish smile. I mean, it's hard to keep myself from crawling over the table and sit on his lap to kiss him!
I can't help but wonder what his W has said, or hasn't said to him to make him see himself this way.
Has anyone else noticed this with their special SO??

MM has told me over and over that I am "lovely" "beautiful" and "sexy". I wonder if he tells her the same thing.
Of course I don't want to wonder about that for too long!
dd
My OW has a lower than average opinion of herself. It's gotten a lot better in the last 18 months, but when we first started seeing each other, I was really surprised by how down she was.
She's not a beauty queen, but she is an attractive woman. Very nice body, warm smile, pretty features... overall, certainly not hard on the eyes. There are times I look at her and tell her she's beautiful, and for a long time she would just scoff and say, "I'm not beautiful, the most I am is cute and maybe sexy if I have the right outfit on and distract someone with my butt." But finally now when I tell her I think she's beautiful she just smiles and tell me I make her that way. Which makes me feel pretty warm too.
She had a weird combination of self confidence but low self esteem. Her previous SO of five years drove her everywhere, gave her money from her own check, and generally controlled her life. Yet she still believe in herself; it just seemed like she needed someone else to believe in her for it to take hold and reassure her.
It's interesting to consider, that's for sure. I know there are things about me that my W took for granted and criticized me about that my OW has openly said she thought my W was a fool for doing, so it works both ways. I think that's why my OW and I get along so beautifully: we are both 100% ourselves in every way, we both know it, and we love each other even more. It's really great.
rain
because I make him feel like he is a strong, confident man.
I also support and encourage MM's business ventures and his W does not - she thinks he spends too much time working so he sometimes feels he passes up good opportunities or business ventures because of the amount of time he would need to invest, right now he is building 2 homes planning to make a lot of money from this and he is receiving nothing but complaints from the W about the amount of money being spent and the time he is spending on the project
He tells me about and also took me to see what he was up to and I was excited and we had a great conversation about it - he said he would never get that response from home
Kikki
I never really noticed what might have happened at home, until one day when he was telling me how beautiful/lovely/sexy/glorious I am, that he added, "what do you see in someone like me, when you can have just about anyone." WHAT??
I have to keep reminding myself this is a very shy man, who married someone (at 24) he met when he was 19 (he's early thirties now). Needless to say, he probably has dated many women, so the W is probably all he has know, except for me.
It just stuns me that he doesn't see this handsome face I see.