What He Says vs. What He Does

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
What He Says vs. What He Does
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 5:13pm
Hello all. I have posted here a couple of times now so some of you may know a little of my story. I am single, involved with MM. It hasn't gotten physical yet, as a matter of fact we haven't even kissed. (We had cyber once, and there is A LOT of talk.) However, I can't even begin to explain how intense the rest of the R is. Our conversations are amazing, we spend our lunch hours together every day (we work in the same building), email at least 20 + times a day, and IM at night. He works away from W during the week (which is why we get to spend so much time talking even at night), and when he goes "home" on the weekends he calls me everyday. When this began, MM said it was only going to be physical and nothing else???

Recently he has started saying things about me finding someone and "cutting him loose". It really seems to bother him. He talked about driving to my apartment at 4am this morning to see me before work. (He lives about an hour out.) I joked that we would need A LOT more time that that, and he said that he just wanted to lay with me for awhile. He started up my way in the morning, but a car accident really messed up traffic in the area and he couldn't make it in time. :-(

Anyway, he is very honest with me that he hasn't felt this kind of attraction in a long time, but he has never cheated and he is trying to figure things out in his head. He said he doesn't want to make any promises he can't keep, but also tells me to be patient with him and give him time. I respect that and give him room, I never thought I would do something like this either. I guess I am just confused because he says one thing (this is just going to be a physical R) and then he acts completely different (WE HAVEN'T TOUCHED, but have shared sooooo much mentally and emotionally).

For example, he said something to me jokingly about me finding someone else someday. I told him I would kind of have to when he gets bored with me. He got real serious and told me that wouldn't happen. He also asks me a lot about my feelings for my guy friends. It is almost like he wants me to make him a promise not to be with anyone else. I don't want anyone else, and I am in this for whatever it is worth, but I won't make him that promise. I don't think it is fair to me.

Am I seeing this wrong or is he kidding himself about his feelings for me? Am I right not to make him any promises that he can't make to me?

Oh dear, I've written a book here....sorry, and thanks for your input.

NG