what the heck?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
what the heck?
6
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 11:44am
I saw my OM last night. After we had sex, he got up and said he was going out to get drinks and that he would be back. Every single time we have been together, immediately after he gets up, gets dressed and leaves. Last night I said to him after he said he would be back "I know you are not coming back". He assured me he was. He never came back. I feel like garbage. He is the one ALWAYS trying to make plans to see ME and to get together with ME. What the heck is this about?? I am so aggarvated I don't even want to talk to him or be iwth anymore. I did not get into this EMA to have a relationship like this. ANY thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
In reply to: bee808
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 4:11pm
Hi Bee,

I can totally relate to the way you are feeling. Even when I was in a long term relationship that wasn't an affair (the guy and I didn't live together), I absolutely hated it when he had to leave right after sex.

You said that your OM is always trying to make plans to see you. Are the two of you having sex every time he wants to see you?? If so, there is a possibility that he is in this relationship with you just for the sex. Is OM married, or are you married?? There is also a possibility that OM has some guilt concerning his sexual antics with you and immediately leaving is the only way he knows how to deal with it.

Either way, I wish you much luck in resolving this issue and finding happiness, whether it be with your current OM or someone else.

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
In reply to: bee808
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 4:53pm
Hi bee,

If I were you, that would upset me too. Especially since he said he was comming back. I would tell him how you feel and that is unacceptable the next time he wants to get together. I think he should be forward so you know what to expect and not be mislead. Good luck talking to him and dealing with the situation. Hope you feel better, and remember don't let him make you feel bad.

~Wishing~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
In reply to: bee808
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 7:34pm
My OM has a girlfriend and I am married. We are in school together so we see each other everyday which builds up the sexual tension, so that by the time we see each other privately- all we do is have sex. For me- last night may have been it. I felt so bad after he left. I don't want anything more than sex with him, I love my husband, but I wanted to have a deeper sexual relationship with this man other than tension, sex, out-the-door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
In reply to: bee808
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 10:53pm
Darlin', I hate to say it but he's using you for sex. Plain and simple. I had an A just like this. Get your emotions out of it as quickly as possible. Don't get hurt like I did expecting him to do what you want because he never will. Best of luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2003
In reply to: bee808
Sat, 09-20-2003 - 11:56pm
I knew from the start that it would be just a sexual relationship and that was fine with me. I read your post and can relate to your situation as well. I love my husband and am very satisfied with our sexual relationship. My OM is also quite larger than my H and has a better stamina so was intrigued by him. I never wanted to get emotionally involved, but I guess I expect more from the sexual experience with the OM than just a #*ck and out the door. I have never placed any expectation on my EMA or OM and hoped he wouldn't with me, but a little sincerity would help. I know I need to dump him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
In reply to: bee808
Sun, 09-21-2003 - 11:08am
Bee,

I am not trying to be unsupportive or harsh, but if he makes you feel like garbage, dump him. You say that you didn't put any demands on him. That's fine, but wanting to be respected is not a demand, it is common courtesy. The fact that he gets up and goes out drinking after you have sex is bad, but to lie and say that he will return then doesn't is down right disrepectful. This is not the way that it is supposed to be. Even in EMAs where the situation itself makes things a little awkward. I have been in my EMA for almost 3 years. I have felt a lot of emotions, but never like garbage.

No one is worth losing your self-esteem for, Bee. You are right not to want to see/talk to him anymore. My thoughts, lose the creep.

Hugs and good luck

RH