what the hell am I doing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
what the hell am I doing!
12
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 2:46pm
I have no idea what I'm doing...I met this wonderful man..my butcher actually. We've been flirting for months. I am married and so is he. There is this attraction between us that is intoxicating. Yesterday we meet at a local park. It took all I had to not make love with him. I felt like a teenager.

We both have been with our spouses for 11 years & have children. I am 44 , he is 40. Just the sight of him makes me shake, and from what I can see, I have the same effect on him. Neither of us has ever contemplated anything like this, let alone act on it.

I just went out and purchased some some sexy bras & panties...I haven't done this in years! I don't know what I'm doing. I can't help myself. I want to be with him........ADVICE!!!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 2:59pm
Soul Search

Soul Search

Soul Search

I had to do ALOT of soul searching before I finally made the decision to follow through with how I felt about my MM as crazy as it is.

In addition you're going to have to ask yourself lots of tough questions like:

1. Why would I want to do something like this?

2. What's missing at home?

3. Is it worth the risks involved?

4. What are the risks involved?

5. What would I do if I'm found out?

6. Can I be careful enough to hide it completely?

7. How discreet can I be?

8. Why would he do something like this?

9. What do I want out of an EMA?

10. Is he worth it?

11. etc.......

Laugh Smiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:09pm
harley - i feel for you honey. i've been there myself. practically vibrating at the thought of seeing my MM, much less having the opportunity to touch him! it's been over 3 years and i'm still giddy and giggly when i know i'm seeing him, so i totally understand what you're feeling.

and there's also the excitement of someone different desiring you and feeling exactly the same way you do. it's a very heady, wonderful feeling.

before you go any further with MM, you need to decide if this is the course you want to follow -- it's definitely a rollercoaster ride -- lots of ups and downs. making time to see each other, to talk, to be intimate. and there will be guilt involved on both sides. you need open, honest communication with MM to decide if you both want the same thing and to set some rules if you do want to take your relationship to the next level.

having and maintaining an EMA/A is very time-consuming. please be sure you and MM are willing to go through all the emotional and physical hoops.

if you do go for it, have fun with it! that's what As are for -- it's not brain surgery!

take care and good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:10pm
Hisgoodgirl,

Wow, you described my feelings exactly. I'm in the same situation, though my MM is a bit older than I. Isn't it crazy the rush of emotion you get just seeing him or thinking of him. How do you control them?!?! I have yet to try... I like it too much. The only advice I can give right now (and should take myself) is just hang on tight and enjoy the good ride. My only concern is the let-down, I hate to think at some point there will be one. Best of luck in finding out what's right for you... I'll try and do the same..

Oceangodess
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:35pm
I've been in this sexual/horney frenzy since yesterday...let me tell ya, it's been a while since I've been kissed that way. What's so weird is that I've had many opportunities...I work for a college and am a professional...but I never had the urge. THEN I met him...tall, built like a brick outhouse, good looking biker type (same as my hubby)long brown hair and beautiful smile & eyes...I melted...my legs quivered and I think I wet my pants..if u know what I mean! It seems so right, but I know it's wrong. Were we as mammals meant to be monogomous?....I know my hubby would never...he grew up w/a father who was a blatant run-around & he is a one woman man...but I don't feel guilty...I WANT MORE
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:39pm
We've discussed all of these questions...we still want each other...in a very bad way!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:41pm
it's so nice to know I'm not the only one....so confusing...but as I just replied to someone else...we want each other badly...I can't believe we didn't make love yesterday. All the kissing & touching has left me in an undeniable aroused state!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:45pm
i'm with on the state of arousal. my MM has been away on vacation all week and calling at least 2x a day talking about what he would rather be doing with me here! i'm going away for the weekend, just as he's returning home so we won't see each other until tuesday.

and i can't wait!!!!!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 3:50pm
UNDERSTAND!....will see him tomorrow...but he'll be working & I'll have my 5yr. old w/me....won't see him till next Weds.......ohh
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 4:25pm
you are not the only one...you described exactly how it feels...let's hope it feels the same for them...i get quivery just thinking of how om kisses me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 9:30pm
Do you love your husband? If so, I would avoid this situation. Don't go where you know the butcher is and avoid him. Even though it will be hard...think of all involved. Especially his wife...what if this were your husband and you were on the other side? Think hard.... And resist temptation. DO you have kids? If so, is it worth it? I have been divorced for alomst 5 yrs and I still feel the guilt and pain of the failed marriage. Temptation is all around us and the guilt is alot to live with. It seems exciting because its new and fresh; but you have been married for awhile now. Try to use the energy towards your husband. He is married too and he probably will never leave even though he says he will. Then ask yourself, being that he's cheating now, what makes you think if you're w/ him in future he won't do that to you? Think hard and perhaps seek counseling advice. I would not move to that danger area....there is a lot to lose. And not only you suffer in future but if you have kids,your kids will even more. Good luck! Jenn

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