What I am doing is wrong!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
What I am doing is wrong!
11
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 9:39pm

Hi all


As you know, I have been doing a lot of thinking about my A, my AP, the decreasing enjoyment I get from this, and the increasing obsessive nature that I am developing. I constantly analyse what I say to him, what he says to me

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 10:49pm

Oh boy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Fri, 08-13-2010 - 11:27pm

Many ((((hugs)))) Iggy!


What we're all doing is wrong, but we all have our reasons: don't beat yourself up over it.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 4:48pm

I completely relate to what you are saying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 10:12pm

Thanks everyone for your posts. I understand what you are saying Layshka and thank you for your words. I can absolutely work on lessening my expectations, but I read posts like yours and so many others and I dont want to be feeling frustrated when the A is 3 years old, or 10, or 20.


My choices are to FULLY accept it the A

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 11:02pm

...How can I continue the A when he is being so attentive?......


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 08-14-2010 - 11:15pm

HI best. I know you are normally nasty in your posts so Im presuming you meant this as sarcastic.


My point is that you start A's because your M is lacking something. In my case its been lacking for years and we have had many MC sessions about it. But when the M starts to improve- how can I continue to 'justify' my behaviour.


Whats worse is that my AP is also backing down a bit for his own reasons. So maybe the stars are aligned and its time to end this A pain??

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 1:45pm
It just sounds like you're doing some normal "reassessing" Iggy. If you think the A is belittling you and not enhancing you, and your H is becoming more attentive which is making your marriage better, there is nothing wrong with letting go of the A and putting more attention into your marriage. You could use the A as a learning tool or experiment that made you realize what's important and what is not important to you. Maybe the experiment is over and you learned what you needed to learn. It's your judgment call.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 4:02pm

We have sex so rarely at the moment (mostly because he is sooooo busy saving the planet) that it would simply take a few less texts from me to make it almost fully platonic. (ugh what a kick to the guts that realisation is).


I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels like that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Sun, 08-15-2010 - 5:39pm

well I didn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 12:07am

Thanks mate-

You are what you consistently do

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