What is it about love that.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
What is it about love that.......
4
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 3:33pm
Makes us soooooooo stupid?? Do you ever feel like you're the one doing all the work in your A? Granted the man lives 1000 miles away from me, and we see each other twice a year, but is it too much to ask for a little more in the way of emails? A little more consideration of my feelings & needs? I'm so intuned to what he needs I'm beginning to forget my own. He's been out of town since Saturday and was suppose to come back yesterday, then it was today and I still haven't heard anything and like a fool I check my mail like every 5 minutes. Nothing like being taken for granted is there. Ok I just had to rant and rave. Seems like I'm the only one doing the "online" A here, but is there anyone else out there who goes thru this or am I the only stupid woman left on the planet?? Thanks for listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 3:46pm
I don't think your stupid! Otherwise I am too! My OM who is unattached unlike me, does the same chit. It's like everything is wonderful and then he pushes away, and then everything is wonderful and he pushes away. I text message him two times since Monday and have received no message or freakin' phone call back. Makes me feel like a complete idiot. Everytime the cell rings, I am hopin' it him. But no dice! Now I have to face him tonight at work. That should be interesting.

So to answer your question....NO! I just think that in both of our positions it makes you feel rejected in a sense and that you are trying to keep things together and keep the A going but he seems like he doesn't want to. Who knows, men are sometimes so tricky....I certainly cannot read my OM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 5:28pm
I agree. Love does make you stupid and blind. Its sad that your feeling and needs are not a consideration for him. Its just that him and his feelings. Nothing like being taken for granted. It never occurs to the OM that your feelings might have been hurt like his and where do you get to hold a grudge against him for? You somehow have to forgive him for that, don't you? Nope, you are not the only stupid woman left in the planet, include me in your group. I will probably top the list of stupid ppl in love. Thanks for letting me vent...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 7:55pm
None of you are stupid!

But I do think that the emotional impact sometimes makes us look at things as we want them to be and not as they are... and then we set ourselves up for expectations that were never really presented to us in the first place. I had to remind myself regularly that MM had a WHOLE LIFE before I came along, and he expected to continue in that life... which meant time with me just sort of had to "fit in" when it could. And for a while, as long as I could keep that in perspective, things worked well for us... after all, I had my entire life also, without him, before our EMA. Only when we started wanting more out of the R did things start getting really messy.

But at this point, does your OM/MM even know that you feel there's a communication lack? Have you been able to talk about it enough to address some solutions?

No one is stupid. But you want and you need. And OM/MM may not know that, or "get" it yet... but when he does, be prepared because his answer may not be what you hope for.

Didn't someone say love is blind, deaf AND dumb? lol... that applies to everyone! But it doesn't have to apply forever.

lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 9:02pm
OMG Lily, I love that..."the emotional impact sometimes makes us look at things as we want them to be and not as they are... and then we set ourselves up for expectations that were never really presented to us in the first place."

That is the complete truth. Maybe I do expect to much. You've given me alot to think about. No, I haven't told him any of my feelings, because I really haven't had the chance TO talk to him, but you can bet I'll be telling him soon.

Thanks so much ladies...nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this!!

Trac~