What is it about W's pregnancy....
Find a Conversation
What is it about W's pregnancy....
| Mon, 09-08-2003 - 12:26pm |
that makes it impossible for you to continue the affair? (This question assumes that you could NOT continue your affair if you found out MM's wife were pregnant)

Pages
Still...is it my analytical nature and psychology background that make me able to somewhat talk myself out of this while it's going on? Or is it just that I've found a total jerk and the only reason he's able to brainwash me as much as he is is because he happened upon a vulnerable woman? Points to ponder... As for love turning to hate -- love and hate are both very strong emotions. If love turns to indifference, it probably wasn't love at all...but for love to turn to hate? Happens all the time. They are both strong physiological reactions to another human begin and they are both exactly the same, physically. The only difference is in how you label them. That's just one psychological theory, but it was one of my favorites in all my studies!
WISH ME LUCK...ANY ADVISE...GREATLY APPRECIATED
LOL
Does that make her weak? NO!! It makes her strong!!! She gets the last laugh.>
She get's the last laugh? That is the most insane statement I think I've seen on this board thus far. If a husband and wife stay together, and if in particular the wife stays - getting the last laugh is not going to make her strong. (I am referring the the possibility that she knew of the affair). In no way would trying to win some sort of competition for her husband be a victory, nor would him staying be something to celebrate (i.e. laugh about). I would hope that with your experiences in a marriage, as well as your time spent in psychological therapy, you would know that this type of case secenario is in no way that simple. Most marriages, and I believe most affairs, are so much more complicated than the juvenile notion of getting the last laugh because she "won!"
For me, my A is not about trying to win my MM away from his wife. We are fullfilling needs for each other that we do not get at home. Simple. Call it right or wrong, call it what you will. Nothing in reference to my A has to do with getting the last laugh!!
Edited 9/9/2003 9:29:40 AM ET by charlotte1203
and I agree with you Charlotte...
Last laugh...NO its not about that its not a competition. And if it were she lost a long time ago when her H decided to cheat. Now why would you want to stay with someone who does not love you?? Yes he has told her that ... I was there listening to him as he had the phone conversation with her and yes he told her he was unhappy. When I talked to her the first few times I was very nice and tried to have her work things out with MM. I even told MM I felt bad she seemed like a nice woman who was in love with him. Which she is he even said but as far as him having feelings they are not there. They used to be bestfriends and you do not know the entire story but they got married for convinience on his part he had to leave the country and she offered to take care of his 2 girls who he has total custody over vs them going to their biological mother who had really seen them a few times. She knows this - MM has told her he does not want to be married...but she is in love...and most of the times love is blind. I know about this is because W and I talked about it. Now you cant say I have no feelings becuase I do...I tried prolly not the best effort but I tried to back awat...but like MM said and told her I am not the problem the problem was already there. I told W I used to be like her - believed everything everyone said but within time you grow strong. And now you might see me as an inconsiderate tramp or whatever....but wouldnt everyone else be who is having an affair cheating on there spouse not having feelings for their significant other...just becuase my situation is different does not give you any right to judge unless you have been in these shoes. I dont see my self as being inconsiderate nor a tramp...nor anyone else on this board...if we are on here is to support each other right or wrong and give advise not to insult. I dont see my MM as being trully honest I dont think any man can be the same goes to women. People believe what they want to believe. Now if he is there he has his reasons but im sure within time he will leave her...y are you willing to live unhappy the rest of your life... and thats fine if he decides to stay becuase I will just move on. I dont feel she would win in this case because im sure someone else will come along in his life as well as into my life...thats just facts of life. And just the same thing you asked y dont you hear him packing I have asked him the same thing. I dont keep quiet...I say what I feel. Cant be too unhappy if your still there. I have my feet on the ground and not becuase he tells me a few sweet words will I melt. Now you asked a question and I answered it regarding pregnancies...I stayed Im still here for how long I dont know...but I feel we have gotten off that subject.
Is he missing something at home...thats y he cant keep his pants up like PR said that might just be a benefit to us!! Regardless yes there is something missin at home obviously thats y u go somewhere else to look for it. W is just a needy woman and some men prefer independent women and u just dont realize it just until its too late and in a bind. Its easier said then done just to walk out just like that. One more thing MM and I do not base our R just on sex...yes its great but in order to have a true R it takes more then that.
But the thing is: You NEVER know what a person's motives are. You can guess what YOUR motivations would be in the same situation, but you can't know THEIRS. For example, my exMM lied about many things, and I never guessed that he had lied because I always told myself, "He wouldn't lie to me because he has no REASON, no motivation, to lie." But what I didn't account for was that he lied for his OWN reasons, and I still don't know exactly what those reasons were.
A word of advice: never rely upon assumptions about another person's motivations. All you can do is to acknowledge their behavior and draw some conclusions, but you really can't know for sure what motivates people unless you are right there in their head.
Pages